The summers is over(yeah rains r lashing bbay) .
Some experiences can be funny but frustrating..some so frustrating that u r finally forced to view it funnily. I get glimpses of Bigamy in my summer project!
Bigamy and summer project?
Yes..if anybody is already into thinking in any wrong directions, pls get back..i m not at all talking abt people per se, working in a company. its about a concept ( i hv been inventing too many concepts these days, makkal odha kudukka wait panraa:)) )
To say the least, all through this summer project i hv lived the life of a bigamist :-(
If tam ppl could go back to one of those maadhu cheenu dramas, where maadhu marries a second time, and is working his way thro pipelines shuttling between mythili and janaki, as if he is at both places same time, my situation wd not be entirely different!
The biggest problem with summer projects is living a dual life..u hv to work in the office and if u dont do it the proper way like me, hv to work at home as well..
Alas, I dont hv the luxury of online data updation ( like the ones i studied in MIT, that if i make a word / xl doc at office, hv to mail it to my account to retrieve at home. and vice versa. and i m an aam aadmi, so dont possess those costly pen drives, and i hate using the floppies....
so mail , it has to be..
now whenever i hv serious reviews, the mail fails to deliver or delivers zero k..and i look like a loose bolt of a fused lantern....
the worst part is, at 4 in the morning, when u want to drop down dead, u have to again mail the stuff back to u..and in iit gpo, the thing gets stuck time n again ( one of the most shady mail programmes i hv ever used)..
at times, i fall asleep with comp on, while doing the report, then get up after an hr to shut down the system..and remember that i hv to do trhe drudgery of mailing on to me....
if i take a serious count, i hv never sent so many mails even to my beloved ones, as much as i hv sent to myself....go to office..bus abt to leave at half past five, u start to mail ur work....gpo goes insane, go hare in the brain, run in the rain, take all the strain....and finally left to drain....
now yeah, i hv perfected the art of managing two homes....keep both of them satisfied....work from both places..become less forgetfull....think of both....appreciate, negotiate, satiate....oh this is getting too much....
anyway in a roll, this is all i wanted to say, the life of a project trainee ( minus a pen drive) is much like a bigamist.
btw, why look askance at bigamists? with their management and negotiation skills, there are the true management thinkers....
PS:
I don ofcourse intend to become a management thinker :) and hope that clears the bottomline
Friday, June 30, 2006
Saturday, June 24, 2006
Strange Relationship
I have made it a habit of writing a post when i am about to fall down dead tired....this is what is called mapping of thoughts under sapping of energy.
i hv been thinking lately abt this very simple and difficult to understand thing called friendship. there are many levels to friendship. one frnd had mentioned something on it in a blog earlier, so i don want to arachify the same maavu. instead i would want to describe a different type of friendship. the friendship of mutual opportunism.
the concept is dead simple.
it was sth i had to experience in the 130 km travel stretch between katpadi and chennai central during engg days. perhaps i was taught many things abt life in this 2 hr journey sitting on the doorsteps. in a very cramped fashion. and train journeys have their own way of educating you.
so we (both) used to travel together from college to home. everytime. we shared the same passion. if we r going get even half a day, we shall make it to home. what ever happens. we had different reasons altogether. he had parties and frnds and masti. i had my mega serials to catch up with. and discuss them with paati and amma. one wd ask how come mega serials on weekends? well we usually dont stay in college that longer! we leave by wed evening. and return the next monday. we had practised it religiously. pratice makes man perfect. we were near perfect.
so it was to be.
we were in the same discipline. we also shared the same frustration. flunked jee a second time while in first year of college. so it was sth to relate to each other.
we sat in the last benches. he was nicknamed the son of chemical engg. the HOD's pet. yes he was quite fundu. i was just another guy in the chemm engg classroom. we enjoyed making fun of profs. i was too tired to listen to all the jokes these profs make and yet call it as teaching. he had much less regard for them. sure we did have some axe to grind.
how different can a friendship be?
we had to walk around 1.5 km to 2 km along the track to make it to the railway station. and then a 2 hr travel to madras. we just walked along. we dont talk much. walking side by side for 20 mins. each engrossed in his own thoughts.
we sat next to each other in that little space on the doorstep. faces headed out of the door as if to search for peace outside. the next two hours would be as silent as death. ofcourse except for the random dadang sounds of changing of tracks and the odd whistle.
is it possible for two ppl to carry on a journey as this without a word literally.
and then another time, we do travel. this time we wd be discussing abt life and the unified theory of relativity. how if good and bad were unfied, ppl see it in the same way, there could be peace in this world. and so many other difficult to ponder topics.
we get caught together by TTEs for not getting the super fast tickets. bargain for fine.
we study alone. we rarely discuss even during exams. we only had those bread rolls during those breaks in fortran labs. we devoured sambar and appalaam big time in hostel mess.
during exams, the exam ends by 1pm. which is exactly the same time, we have our west coast exp for chennai. so we keep seeing each other as to when the other is going to give the paper. and when one gives, the other gives it immediately. partners in crime.
ofcourse finally we did our B.Tech project together. i was denies entry in the chemical plant. he slogged big time. then finally i went to his place and finished all those calculation stuff in 2 hrs. the only contribution i made to a month long project. 2 hrs if u call it. we had fun doing them. both of us were interested in chemical process calculations.
there was never a moment, when i thought here is a guy i want to go and hang out with. same with him.
we had a unsaid contract. of giving company to each other and when either of us dint have any!
that was during these train journeys, projects and last bench gossips.
no friendship. no formalities.
the last time i heard from him was 2 years back when he mailed from alabama that he wanted an idea of how we did the project calculations. that was all.
its funny how i thought of him so suddenly.
the contract law says " There must be an intention to proceed into a contract"
there was neither intention in our friendship. and consequently no extension either.
somehow i actually liked this all.
because i believe not all happens for a reason!
i hv been thinking lately abt this very simple and difficult to understand thing called friendship. there are many levels to friendship. one frnd had mentioned something on it in a blog earlier, so i don want to arachify the same maavu. instead i would want to describe a different type of friendship. the friendship of mutual opportunism.
the concept is dead simple.
it was sth i had to experience in the 130 km travel stretch between katpadi and chennai central during engg days. perhaps i was taught many things abt life in this 2 hr journey sitting on the doorsteps. in a very cramped fashion. and train journeys have their own way of educating you.
so we (both) used to travel together from college to home. everytime. we shared the same passion. if we r going get even half a day, we shall make it to home. what ever happens. we had different reasons altogether. he had parties and frnds and masti. i had my mega serials to catch up with. and discuss them with paati and amma. one wd ask how come mega serials on weekends? well we usually dont stay in college that longer! we leave by wed evening. and return the next monday. we had practised it religiously. pratice makes man perfect. we were near perfect.
so it was to be.
we were in the same discipline. we also shared the same frustration. flunked jee a second time while in first year of college. so it was sth to relate to each other.
we sat in the last benches. he was nicknamed the son of chemical engg. the HOD's pet. yes he was quite fundu. i was just another guy in the chemm engg classroom. we enjoyed making fun of profs. i was too tired to listen to all the jokes these profs make and yet call it as teaching. he had much less regard for them. sure we did have some axe to grind.
how different can a friendship be?
we had to walk around 1.5 km to 2 km along the track to make it to the railway station. and then a 2 hr travel to madras. we just walked along. we dont talk much. walking side by side for 20 mins. each engrossed in his own thoughts.
we sat next to each other in that little space on the doorstep. faces headed out of the door as if to search for peace outside. the next two hours would be as silent as death. ofcourse except for the random dadang sounds of changing of tracks and the odd whistle.
is it possible for two ppl to carry on a journey as this without a word literally.
and then another time, we do travel. this time we wd be discussing abt life and the unified theory of relativity. how if good and bad were unfied, ppl see it in the same way, there could be peace in this world. and so many other difficult to ponder topics.
we get caught together by TTEs for not getting the super fast tickets. bargain for fine.
we study alone. we rarely discuss even during exams. we only had those bread rolls during those breaks in fortran labs. we devoured sambar and appalaam big time in hostel mess.
during exams, the exam ends by 1pm. which is exactly the same time, we have our west coast exp for chennai. so we keep seeing each other as to when the other is going to give the paper. and when one gives, the other gives it immediately. partners in crime.
ofcourse finally we did our B.Tech project together. i was denies entry in the chemical plant. he slogged big time. then finally i went to his place and finished all those calculation stuff in 2 hrs. the only contribution i made to a month long project. 2 hrs if u call it. we had fun doing them. both of us were interested in chemical process calculations.
there was never a moment, when i thought here is a guy i want to go and hang out with. same with him.
we had a unsaid contract. of giving company to each other and when either of us dint have any!
that was during these train journeys, projects and last bench gossips.
no friendship. no formalities.
the last time i heard from him was 2 years back when he mailed from alabama that he wanted an idea of how we did the project calculations. that was all.
its funny how i thought of him so suddenly.
the contract law says " There must be an intention to proceed into a contract"
there was neither intention in our friendship. and consequently no extension either.
somehow i actually liked this all.
because i believe not all happens for a reason!
Saturday, June 10, 2006
Rewind..
Time for rewind..so much has happened in the last one year..so much more in store by the end of next year.
if i had really enjoyed living outside home it had to be IIT and nothing less. din enjoy it in VIT. enjoyed a bit in RIL for 5 months when i was in nagothane.
but the last one year has been good and different. to start with, with my interview handling capabilities, cud never hope to get an admit. PERUMAL got it done.
but after coming here, there remains the fact that i have become only more confused than ever.
lost interest in studies a bit too quickly. and i hv no idea what kind of job wd interest me at all. did nothing in acads as such. nothing much in extra curriculars as well. stopped reading daily newspapers. spent more time in yahoo and internet. only if my father wd hv watched what i was doing here..i wd be asked to head for home if i was not going to get any better.
i am confused. not my problem only. everyone is a bit confused. i was told that those guys who get into these instis were supposed to have some kind of clarity in thoughts. one more myth.
after a bad year at acads it has been a tiresome summers. travelling more and utilising 100% of the scorching sun. am actually learning life the hard way. i usually do this way.
learning how difficult it is to handle ppl who are so indifferent. how u realise if u have some degree of self dignity, sorry , marketing is not the place for u. many a times, if i had been my normal self, i wd have gone ahead and blasted all those who did not know the meaning of courtesy. but then i had to bear all crap just for this summer project!
a 10 day stint in delhi only made me sure that bbay was a better place any day to live in. and looking at how my cousins have been spread out now all over the country, i stand very less chance of getting a job in chennai. and if the opportunity is worthwhile, it will be a while before i get back to my aam in madras. time enough for that.
the best thing to have happened over the last year has been friends. i never made a lot of friends. i usually stick to the closer ones. but for a change, it as been so different here. the count i made here was adding one equal half to the count i had managed in 25 years of existence. not just the ones who study with me, did manage to make altogether new friends beyond my locus of imagination and get some really good old ones too..
am really waiting for the summers to get over to get the experience of my life. i m very excited abt it. hopefully i shd make it there.
a bit of dabbling with music at times has also been very enriching. my first try at creating some music however bad it might have been. i guess i did learn a thing or two on handling the keys.
thanks to kiran for company.
although i havent learnt much academically, i guess i learnt more from life. there is so much to learn.
my only take from life as i always imagine....the things worthy of learning are those which u learn without even realising that u learn them and in then in one more sober moment of life, u recall and reminisce and relish those memories.
but i am pestered with a question.
should thing happen in life just to be a memory?
if i had really enjoyed living outside home it had to be IIT and nothing less. din enjoy it in VIT. enjoyed a bit in RIL for 5 months when i was in nagothane.
but the last one year has been good and different. to start with, with my interview handling capabilities, cud never hope to get an admit. PERUMAL got it done.
but after coming here, there remains the fact that i have become only more confused than ever.
lost interest in studies a bit too quickly. and i hv no idea what kind of job wd interest me at all. did nothing in acads as such. nothing much in extra curriculars as well. stopped reading daily newspapers. spent more time in yahoo and internet. only if my father wd hv watched what i was doing here..i wd be asked to head for home if i was not going to get any better.
i am confused. not my problem only. everyone is a bit confused. i was told that those guys who get into these instis were supposed to have some kind of clarity in thoughts. one more myth.
after a bad year at acads it has been a tiresome summers. travelling more and utilising 100% of the scorching sun. am actually learning life the hard way. i usually do this way.
learning how difficult it is to handle ppl who are so indifferent. how u realise if u have some degree of self dignity, sorry , marketing is not the place for u. many a times, if i had been my normal self, i wd have gone ahead and blasted all those who did not know the meaning of courtesy. but then i had to bear all crap just for this summer project!
a 10 day stint in delhi only made me sure that bbay was a better place any day to live in. and looking at how my cousins have been spread out now all over the country, i stand very less chance of getting a job in chennai. and if the opportunity is worthwhile, it will be a while before i get back to my aam in madras. time enough for that.
the best thing to have happened over the last year has been friends. i never made a lot of friends. i usually stick to the closer ones. but for a change, it as been so different here. the count i made here was adding one equal half to the count i had managed in 25 years of existence. not just the ones who study with me, did manage to make altogether new friends beyond my locus of imagination and get some really good old ones too..
am really waiting for the summers to get over to get the experience of my life. i m very excited abt it. hopefully i shd make it there.
a bit of dabbling with music at times has also been very enriching. my first try at creating some music however bad it might have been. i guess i did learn a thing or two on handling the keys.
thanks to kiran for company.
although i havent learnt much academically, i guess i learnt more from life. there is so much to learn.
my only take from life as i always imagine....the things worthy of learning are those which u learn without even realising that u learn them and in then in one more sober moment of life, u recall and reminisce and relish those memories.
but i am pestered with a question.
should thing happen in life just to be a memory?
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Dilemmas..
Can dilemmas be sweet?
yes. noticed that when i used to handle yahoo chats and fone talks. the dilemma of who will end conversations first?
it happened when i was in surat. din have a mobile fone. so talking to akka was a shy difficult. so we planned weekend yahoo voice chats. every time for atleast 3 hours.
as we neared the end, i will say bye. and will type bye. she will too. and then i will not sign out immediately. 5 mins will pass. then she will say bye againn . and i will say bye. yet again after 5 mins she will again say bye. this will continue..and then we will finally settle for a fresh round of chatting.
again here comes fone convos. we used to talk real lot before her marriage. like everybody sleeps at ten. we will try to sleep but will end up talking till 12. so scenario changed after her marriage.
and i also got posted out of city. so times changed.
and then when i visit madras, we keep talking and updating 7 times a day and everytime for 30 mins. when we r done with teh convo, we decide to hang up..again bye as usual. i wil say bye and wait for her to cut. and she , the same.. its difficult really deciding who will cut the fone.
finally we do. who does, i m not still sure
now things have changed a bit. does not happen that much. cut fones pretty soon without game theory....but 7 times a day and 30 mins is still there....
i miss the dilemma..however..
dilemmas are interesting after all. its time i had some dilemma in life....
yes. noticed that when i used to handle yahoo chats and fone talks. the dilemma of who will end conversations first?
it happened when i was in surat. din have a mobile fone. so talking to akka was a shy difficult. so we planned weekend yahoo voice chats. every time for atleast 3 hours.
as we neared the end, i will say bye. and will type bye. she will too. and then i will not sign out immediately. 5 mins will pass. then she will say bye againn . and i will say bye. yet again after 5 mins she will again say bye. this will continue..and then we will finally settle for a fresh round of chatting.
again here comes fone convos. we used to talk real lot before her marriage. like everybody sleeps at ten. we will try to sleep but will end up talking till 12. so scenario changed after her marriage.
and i also got posted out of city. so times changed.
and then when i visit madras, we keep talking and updating 7 times a day and everytime for 30 mins. when we r done with teh convo, we decide to hang up..again bye as usual. i wil say bye and wait for her to cut. and she , the same.. its difficult really deciding who will cut the fone.
finally we do. who does, i m not still sure
now things have changed a bit. does not happen that much. cut fones pretty soon without game theory....but 7 times a day and 30 mins is still there....
i miss the dilemma..however..
dilemmas are interesting after all. its time i had some dilemma in life....
Sunday, June 04, 2006
Experience..
One thing I had been wanting to write was some of my experiences. not they r so unusual. everyone has some kind of experience. but there are patterns.
I had mentioned a long time back that there are always certain constants in life even as times are changing..
Something that i had understand out of ( not 'outta') experience. If i were to track my life since class 10, this truth is sth that has stood the test of time.
i mean the kind of decisions i had taken in life.
To crack open in a nutshell, i had taken stands and decisions which were too much for me. Always tried to bite more than i could chew.
Results - Frustrations in the short term. damn frustrations i mean. I could nearly break down but but for PERUMAL. I had come out of all those sheerly due to HIM. Then it becomes history. something to look back on. sometimes pretty fond remembrances. in fact, in the long term, they were boons to me.
Right after 10th, I got a free kit to prepare for jee. and everybody had unrealistic hopes on me that i was going to become some kind of an engineer. to me that time engineer meant building houses. nothing more than that. I did not even hear abt IIT till that time. I had been a pampered child who does not know the outside world or ever heard of hard work.
come 11th std, and some stupid peer pressure caused me to prepare for jee. Despite knowing well that i was chasing shadows, i did the obvious. tried to study. to no avail. magesh and balaji wd probably testify the sleepless nights in teh car garage where we unsuccessfully carried out all our preparation.
But even they never knew that all this led me to some kind of depression. ( actually almost nobody knew this). At nights i used to dream of all mathematical formulae hovering over my head. Literally threw away all jee books. cried. yes, i cried out loud. stopped going to school for a week. told amma and daddy that i was not going to stay at my home in T.Nagar. Decided to pack off for adambakkam for my paati's house. They din have an answer. I was off. They were stunned. They knew me more than myself. So they sent me.
Reached paati's place in afternoon. and suddenly everything looked rosy. Adambakkam in those days was still like a village. i liked that serenity. i was running high fever when i reached there. but everything had calmed down by evening. i relished paati's company. she gave a hot cup of filter coffee and we sat down to watch some tamil serials ( not soaps..those days they were short n sweet with some social messages). within a day or two, i was becoming saner than i was. and in quick time, i was there realising that i was missing classses and went home promptly. i was almost a maniac when i left home for adambakkam. but i had recovered well enough. next two years breezed. din get thro jee. screwed the only entrance exam of the state. but at the end of 12th i realised that a jee coaching had probably made me feel that i had decent grounding in science and maths, which helped me thro my engg and then on.
I know there are lot of people who prepare and get thro easily. they were brilliant. i was not. i failed. i did fail. i even failed a second time.
first learning in life :
Learn to accept failure. The only failure in life is to lack the courage to stand failures in life.
{ and i had too many failures to back the statement :))}
More experiences to come..
I had mentioned a long time back that there are always certain constants in life even as times are changing..
Something that i had understand out of ( not 'outta') experience. If i were to track my life since class 10, this truth is sth that has stood the test of time.
i mean the kind of decisions i had taken in life.
To crack open in a nutshell, i had taken stands and decisions which were too much for me. Always tried to bite more than i could chew.
Results - Frustrations in the short term. damn frustrations i mean. I could nearly break down but but for PERUMAL. I had come out of all those sheerly due to HIM. Then it becomes history. something to look back on. sometimes pretty fond remembrances. in fact, in the long term, they were boons to me.
Right after 10th, I got a free kit to prepare for jee. and everybody had unrealistic hopes on me that i was going to become some kind of an engineer. to me that time engineer meant building houses. nothing more than that. I did not even hear abt IIT till that time. I had been a pampered child who does not know the outside world or ever heard of hard work.
come 11th std, and some stupid peer pressure caused me to prepare for jee. Despite knowing well that i was chasing shadows, i did the obvious. tried to study. to no avail. magesh and balaji wd probably testify the sleepless nights in teh car garage where we unsuccessfully carried out all our preparation.
But even they never knew that all this led me to some kind of depression. ( actually almost nobody knew this). At nights i used to dream of all mathematical formulae hovering over my head. Literally threw away all jee books. cried. yes, i cried out loud. stopped going to school for a week. told amma and daddy that i was not going to stay at my home in T.Nagar. Decided to pack off for adambakkam for my paati's house. They din have an answer. I was off. They were stunned. They knew me more than myself. So they sent me.
Reached paati's place in afternoon. and suddenly everything looked rosy. Adambakkam in those days was still like a village. i liked that serenity. i was running high fever when i reached there. but everything had calmed down by evening. i relished paati's company. she gave a hot cup of filter coffee and we sat down to watch some tamil serials ( not soaps..those days they were short n sweet with some social messages). within a day or two, i was becoming saner than i was. and in quick time, i was there realising that i was missing classses and went home promptly. i was almost a maniac when i left home for adambakkam. but i had recovered well enough. next two years breezed. din get thro jee. screwed the only entrance exam of the state. but at the end of 12th i realised that a jee coaching had probably made me feel that i had decent grounding in science and maths, which helped me thro my engg and then on.
I know there are lot of people who prepare and get thro easily. they were brilliant. i was not. i failed. i did fail. i even failed a second time.
first learning in life :
Learn to accept failure. The only failure in life is to lack the courage to stand failures in life.
{ and i had too many failures to back the statement :))}
More experiences to come..
Saturday, June 03, 2006
Return to Innocence
Thats not the beginning of the end
Thats the return to yourself
The return to innocence.
..
Love - devotion..
Feeling - emotion..
..
Dont be afraid to be weak
Dont be too proud to be strong
Just look into your heart my friend
That will be the return to yourself
The return to innocence.
If you want, then start to laugh
If you must, then start to cry
Be yourself dont hide
Just believe in destiny.
Dont care what people say
Just follow your own way
Dont give up and use the chance
To return to innocence.
Thats not the beginning of the end
Thats the return to yourself
The return to innocence.
Dont care what people say
Follow just your own way
Follow just your own way
Dont give up, dont give up
To return, to return to innocence.
If you want then laugh
If you must then cry
Be yourself dont hide
Just believe in destiny.
- Enigma
Thats the return to yourself
The return to innocence.
..
Love - devotion..
Feeling - emotion..
..
Dont be afraid to be weak
Dont be too proud to be strong
Just look into your heart my friend
That will be the return to yourself
The return to innocence.
If you want, then start to laugh
If you must, then start to cry
Be yourself dont hide
Just believe in destiny.
Dont care what people say
Just follow your own way
Dont give up and use the chance
To return to innocence.
Thats not the beginning of the end
Thats the return to yourself
The return to innocence.
Dont care what people say
Follow just your own way
Follow just your own way
Dont give up, dont give up
To return, to return to innocence.
If you want then laugh
If you must then cry
Be yourself dont hide
Just believe in destiny.
- Enigma
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)