Experience..

One thing I had been wanting to write was some of my experiences. not they r so unusual. everyone has some kind of experience. but there are patterns.

I had mentioned a long time back that there are always certain constants in life even as times are changing..

Something that i had understand out of ( not 'outta') experience. If i were to track my life since class 10, this truth is sth that has stood the test of time.

i mean the kind of decisions i had taken in life.

To crack open in a nutshell, i had taken stands and decisions which were too much for me. Always tried to bite more than i could chew.

Results - Frustrations in the short term. damn frustrations i mean. I could nearly break down but but for PERUMAL. I had come out of all those sheerly due to HIM. Then it becomes history. something to look back on. sometimes pretty fond remembrances. in fact, in the long term, they were boons to me.

Right after 10th, I got a free kit to prepare for jee. and everybody had unrealistic hopes on me that i was going to become some kind of an engineer. to me that time engineer meant building houses. nothing more than that. I did not even hear abt IIT till that time. I had been a pampered child who does not know the outside world or ever heard of hard work.

come 11th std, and some stupid peer pressure caused me to prepare for jee. Despite knowing well that i was chasing shadows, i did the obvious. tried to study. to no avail. magesh and balaji wd probably testify the sleepless nights in teh car garage where we unsuccessfully carried out all our preparation.

But even they never knew that all this led me to some kind of depression. ( actually almost nobody knew this). At nights i used to dream of all mathematical formulae hovering over my head. Literally threw away all jee books. cried. yes, i cried out loud. stopped going to school for a week. told amma and daddy that i was not going to stay at my home in T.Nagar. Decided to pack off for adambakkam for my paati's house. They din have an answer. I was off. They were stunned. They knew me more than myself. So they sent me.

Reached paati's place in afternoon. and suddenly everything looked rosy. Adambakkam in those days was still like a village. i liked that serenity. i was running high fever when i reached there. but everything had calmed down by evening. i relished paati's company. she gave a hot cup of filter coffee and we sat down to watch some tamil serials ( not soaps..those days they were short n sweet with some social messages). within a day or two, i was becoming saner than i was. and in quick time, i was there realising that i was missing classses and went home promptly. i was almost a maniac when i left home for adambakkam. but i had recovered well enough. next two years breezed. din get thro jee. screwed the only entrance exam of the state. but at the end of 12th i realised that a jee coaching had probably made me feel that i had decent grounding in science and maths, which helped me thro my engg and then on.

I know there are lot of people who prepare and get thro easily. they were brilliant. i was not. i failed. i did fail. i even failed a second time.

first learning in life :

Learn to accept failure. The only failure in life is to lack the courage to stand failures in life.

{ and i had too many failures to back the statement :))}

More experiences to come..