Yet another bore packed session of a vague subject..but with another dazzling display of bombay rains..yeah.... it was raining pretty intensely..all eyes turn towards window view..mine is no exception..
What is so special about rain..well is it really special..?
Rain - The fascination for all ages..continues to enchant everyone from a little kid to a youth to anyone on earth.
A Sign of freedom. Relief from boredom.
Rain is there for u . and for all those around u.
Rain for kids. Rain for romance. Rain for life. Rain for joy. Rain for sorrow. Rain for togetherness. Rain for solitude. Rain for properity. Rain for disaster. Rain for brain. Rain for heart.Rain for mind.Rain for soul.
Does it touch every breath of ur life?
In rains , u can be cold and hot at the same time.
A student loves rains for postponing exams. A professional for taking that odd break from a monotonous life. I love rains for that sleep inducing climate esp when in my hostel room. I know i m blessed to have a bed as good as mine.
As a small boy, rains meant beach in my street....where i can exhibit my marine engg capabilities. build warships. conduct ship races. or sometimes, with all those goldfishes finding its way into the streets, make a mini aquarium. play cricket in a swamped street. with water splashing all over ur face. get a washer from a passerby bus.
u can have all the showers from the heavens. with thunder and lightening. a moment of fear. but also the moment for being near to ur dear.
u can feel Nature's power, when u run for cover. listen to the thunder. get struck with wonder. u don need a skype or a satellite for communication with nature.
why do i get happy inside when it rains outside?
why this simmering feeling of liberation? or is this all mere abberation?
There is no escape from rain. I know it.
It rains not just outside. It rains right inside my heart.
Monday, August 28, 2006
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Hero
The dilemma of every individual ( like me..LOL!)
well captured by Darren Hayes in his Tension and the Spark Album. Song : Hero
HERO...
Outside comfort in the skin
I am all that you're projecting
Inside feel the rising tide
And the revolutions deafening
I was trying to hide my opposing side
Trying to reconcile my Jekyll and Hide
Ladies and gentlemen listen up please
I don't want to be your hero
(No, I am not open.... parts of me are broken)
Do yourself a favor
Save yourself
Don't pick me find someone else
(Why'd you want to bother.... find yourself another)
Sometimes you put all of your desires in an object of affection
But in time because you idolise there is only disappointment
I was flying so high in your perfect sky
But I needed to fall cannot have it all
Ladies and gentlemen listen up please
I don't want to be your hero
(No, I am not open.... parts of me are broken)
Do yourself a favor
Save yourself
Don't pick me find someone else
(Why'd you want to bother.... find yourself another)
Ladies and gentlemen listen up please
I don't want to be your hero
(No, I am not open.... parts of me are broken)
Do yourself a favor
Save yourself
Don't pick me for someone else
(Why'd you want to bother.... find yourself another)
Don't need to compromise
I don't need to occupy the floor
There's a danger in boxing in my sin
And all that I am..
It's too much pressure
I'll only let you down again
(No, I am not open.... parts of me are broken)
It's too much pressure
I'll only let you down again
(Why'd you want to bother.... find yourself another)
Ladies and gentlemen listen up please
I don't want to be your hero
(No, I am not open.... parts of me are broken)
It's too much pressure
I'll only let you down again
(No, I am not open.... parts of me are broken)
Ladies and gentlemen listen up please
I don't want to be your hero
(No, I am not open.... parts of me are broken)
well captured by Darren Hayes in his Tension and the Spark Album. Song : Hero
HERO...
Outside comfort in the skin
I am all that you're projecting
Inside feel the rising tide
And the revolutions deafening
I was trying to hide my opposing side
Trying to reconcile my Jekyll and Hide
Ladies and gentlemen listen up please
I don't want to be your hero
(No, I am not open.... parts of me are broken)
Do yourself a favor
Save yourself
Don't pick me find someone else
(Why'd you want to bother.... find yourself another)
Sometimes you put all of your desires in an object of affection
But in time because you idolise there is only disappointment
I was flying so high in your perfect sky
But I needed to fall cannot have it all
Ladies and gentlemen listen up please
I don't want to be your hero
(No, I am not open.... parts of me are broken)
Do yourself a favor
Save yourself
Don't pick me find someone else
(Why'd you want to bother.... find yourself another)
Ladies and gentlemen listen up please
I don't want to be your hero
(No, I am not open.... parts of me are broken)
Do yourself a favor
Save yourself
Don't pick me for someone else
(Why'd you want to bother.... find yourself another)
Don't need to compromise
I don't need to occupy the floor
There's a danger in boxing in my sin
And all that I am..
It's too much pressure
I'll only let you down again
(No, I am not open.... parts of me are broken)
It's too much pressure
I'll only let you down again
(Why'd you want to bother.... find yourself another)
Ladies and gentlemen listen up please
I don't want to be your hero
(No, I am not open.... parts of me are broken)
It's too much pressure
I'll only let you down again
(No, I am not open.... parts of me are broken)
Ladies and gentlemen listen up please
I don't want to be your hero
(No, I am not open.... parts of me are broken)
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Bored..
Why does one need to get bored in life? First if all, what does one mean by the so called phenomenon of boring.....?
well, try as i might , cant uncover this mystery of boredom..ppl can get a zillion reasons for not getting bored...quite natural, so is there a way of having as many reasons for getting bored??
a deeper introspection does not help much either..well to make yet another unsuccessful attempt at this intriguing concept..i was bored all day yesterday..i had so much to do ..yet!
then boring is not a phenomenon related to activity or the the lack of it. but then counter argue saying that those activities which were supoosed to fill ur time werent exactly enthusing perhaps? "Managing new business models in a knowledge economy" cud be hardly a way to escape boredom. what determines 'enthusing' or not? its relative..so is boredom!
so the first plot is ..einstein rocks not just in relative motion but also in relative boredom..
Lets say Boredom = f(interest, time, activity, blackhole)
Blackhole???
blackhole is matter which is no longer compressible....if i did get my 10th science text right..why bring poor blackhole in our obscure discussion?
can boredom be equated to black hole? lets try....when boredom strikes u, u cant do anything..absolutely..u try doing diff things..but then one is too bored even for trying..this is coined as " bore to core" when we say core, it means core. and core is related to blackhole.
again what shd one do to get out of boredom....the misconceptiion is fighting against boredom..
wallow in it..indulge in boredom. boredom is a virtue not vice.
get bored. get thoroughly bored. go still deeper. how much more can u get bored. more? but we just said boredom is relative. yes. sometimes u come across relatives who can bore u to infinity. thats why boredom is also relative.
but think again there is a philosophical twist to boredom.
boredom is the state of dynamic inactivity. becoz u r searching what to do. yet being inactive.
this philosophy takes root from spirituality. the state of inaction in the mind is the starting point for release from this material nature of life. so get bored.like me.
i m bored. cant write anymore.
so i log out. and continue to get bored.
hopefully i hv managed to bore out a few ppl if they do read this blog.
well, try as i might , cant uncover this mystery of boredom..ppl can get a zillion reasons for not getting bored...quite natural, so is there a way of having as many reasons for getting bored??
a deeper introspection does not help much either..well to make yet another unsuccessful attempt at this intriguing concept..i was bored all day yesterday..i had so much to do ..yet!
then boring is not a phenomenon related to activity or the the lack of it. but then counter argue saying that those activities which were supoosed to fill ur time werent exactly enthusing perhaps? "Managing new business models in a knowledge economy" cud be hardly a way to escape boredom. what determines 'enthusing' or not? its relative..so is boredom!
so the first plot is ..einstein rocks not just in relative motion but also in relative boredom..
Lets say Boredom = f(interest, time, activity, blackhole)
Blackhole???
blackhole is matter which is no longer compressible....if i did get my 10th science text right..why bring poor blackhole in our obscure discussion?
can boredom be equated to black hole? lets try....when boredom strikes u, u cant do anything..absolutely..u try doing diff things..but then one is too bored even for trying..this is coined as " bore to core" when we say core, it means core. and core is related to blackhole.
again what shd one do to get out of boredom....the misconceptiion is fighting against boredom..
wallow in it..indulge in boredom. boredom is a virtue not vice.
get bored. get thoroughly bored. go still deeper. how much more can u get bored. more? but we just said boredom is relative. yes. sometimes u come across relatives who can bore u to infinity. thats why boredom is also relative.
but think again there is a philosophical twist to boredom.
boredom is the state of dynamic inactivity. becoz u r searching what to do. yet being inactive.
this philosophy takes root from spirituality. the state of inaction in the mind is the starting point for release from this material nature of life. so get bored.like me.
i m bored. cant write anymore.
so i log out. and continue to get bored.
hopefully i hv managed to bore out a few ppl if they do read this blog.
Saturday, August 19, 2006
Saturday, August 05, 2006
Kite flying
I realise yet again as the schedule gets tougher, the harder its getting to resist from blogging..handling yahoo was easier..
like a wise man said " The only thing i cannot resist is temptation"
I love kiteflying..watching it..just like ur work....u can look at it for hours together without getting bored..nool udarathu namba makkalukku solliyaa kudukanum?
welcome to the kind of kite flying that happens in the closed cubicles of the corporate chambers..strategy means kite flying. kite flying means strategy. no other way. the moment some guy stands up and asks" what has been the strategy of ur company", u r left assured that the rest that will follow will enable u to get a decent sleep, even if u were suffering from loss of sleep the kinds ppl get at this age..
well this term has a speciality in that i never prepared for classes earlier..this time, large qtys oif marks have been mercilessly doled out for class participation and u need to utter atleast some crap in teh class so that u get away with some brownie points..
Designing a strategy for Corporate Strategy course:
Now that we ppl have not been used to studying as much as we do now..its getting a bit harder to change ourselves by 180 degrees..particularly this course demands that we read around two chapters plus two additional readngs and then a very shady case study, do some analysis and waste precious time that could have been spent sleeping in the afti in this inviting bombay climate..and u have other profs also demanding the same..
so what next? we thought..well atleast i surely thought....
i was never going to do so much..hv got only one year to enjoy here, cant afford to waste away so much just for teh sake of such kite flying courses..so meet fire with fire..mulla mullaala thaan edukanum.. i decided..so make a strategy for this strategy course..how to spend as less time as possible without if affecting ur class parti marks..
Its important to understand how the system operates before we try to beat the system..
the process is this..its a tele conferencing course..if u sleep u will show up on teh tv..so anyway u gotto remain awake..the prof enters and almost immediately starts " yes we can start teh discussion"! hey! i thot he was supposed to give a back ground or sth..and he starts the bidding process..
Hands throw up all over the class....now i have never seen this happen..i hv seen ppl only sleeping in all postures possible in this planet..and suddenly as though the world has changed overnight, guys r seen to be fighting for some sidey grades....
so the discussion starts..the prof does remember a handful of guys ( and gals) whom he can call specifically to give their opinion ( right, i m no way one of them)..and the rest might have grey chances of attracting his attention..infact with so much of shoulder flexing, my shoulder musles have become much much better after that dislocation..
Now the teaching assistant of teh prof will sit in one corner, with a sheet of all teh names of teh course participants..as she will go on marking them as they talk..when she is confused abt whther to award marks, she will put a blank face on the prof, who might give the relevant signals for her to clear her confusion..i never noticed her so much before..now that is teh only job i do in the course:))..yeah not to talk of the dirty stares i recieved from her in return:(
now when the guy picks up the mike, he has to say his name and then start talking..and the discussion moves on..first on chapter readins, then additional readings, the clock strikes 7.15 pm..and the prof takes note. says lets move on to case discussion. now there will be two grps who will present the case from their perspectives..
finally abt 10 mins for discussion of class. when the time is over at 8 pm, the prof decided to intervene and present his analysis till8.15, as every one restlessly keeps looking at the lone clock..
now the idea is clear. no one gets to speak more than once in class. sometimes two times. that is all.
its not rocket science to figure out that u don need to do all the readinsg for the sake of talking for 3 mins. read anyONE properly..make notes on it. be the first to raise hands and utter whatever comes to ur mind. be sure to add words like strategy, perspective, add value., re engineering, grwth rates, profitability and the like ( just like "nadula, kanmani..ponmani.. ellam potukko") to make sure that u r not talking of heaven and hell.
no need to study ANYTHING ELSE. thats all. we know how to take care of ourselves i thot.
i m not selfish. i shared the strategy with my frnds. reducing tehir burden too. the best results happen when we all read different readings. coz, few ppl will raise hands for a particular reading discussion, and all of them can speak and get those marks. and so on.
it worked. yes it did. last three classes i confidently went for class without doing much for teh class. everything was moving on fine.
take teh cue. raise the hand. the moment u get ur mike, say ur NAME LOUDLY. look at her if she takes note. but make sure u turn back to the prof, or it will send the wrong signals;)
u din study @ all? try this instead..take the mike.." Sir, I m Aravindan Krishnan.." now look at the scoring lady to chk if she has taken note of u ..without a second thought, immediately pass the mike to teh next person.. :)) ....ppl actually do this too....
so all was well for some time. and then.
last class, i was too tired to study ANYTHING. the class was all abt vision, mission etc. so usual crap i thot. two chap reading were there, which i din read , then in half sleep enough to manage a sentence or two on the additional reading . a case study that i gave up on..and off to class. first 30 mins was good. though i din speak. i hv enough time i thot.
then the prof said , its time for a surprise quiz. topic? that bloody additinal reading i read in half sleep and the case study i totally gave up on..
now what can u do abt this....i m not worried abt the obscene marks i will get in that quiz..
i m searching for the next strategy already..
like a wise man said " The only thing i cannot resist is temptation"
I love kiteflying..watching it..just like ur work....u can look at it for hours together without getting bored..nool udarathu namba makkalukku solliyaa kudukanum?
welcome to the kind of kite flying that happens in the closed cubicles of the corporate chambers..strategy means kite flying. kite flying means strategy. no other way. the moment some guy stands up and asks" what has been the strategy of ur company", u r left assured that the rest that will follow will enable u to get a decent sleep, even if u were suffering from loss of sleep the kinds ppl get at this age..
well this term has a speciality in that i never prepared for classes earlier..this time, large qtys oif marks have been mercilessly doled out for class participation and u need to utter atleast some crap in teh class so that u get away with some brownie points..
Designing a strategy for Corporate Strategy course:
Now that we ppl have not been used to studying as much as we do now..its getting a bit harder to change ourselves by 180 degrees..particularly this course demands that we read around two chapters plus two additional readngs and then a very shady case study, do some analysis and waste precious time that could have been spent sleeping in the afti in this inviting bombay climate..and u have other profs also demanding the same..
so what next? we thought..well atleast i surely thought....
i was never going to do so much..hv got only one year to enjoy here, cant afford to waste away so much just for teh sake of such kite flying courses..so meet fire with fire..mulla mullaala thaan edukanum.. i decided..so make a strategy for this strategy course..how to spend as less time as possible without if affecting ur class parti marks..
Its important to understand how the system operates before we try to beat the system..
the process is this..its a tele conferencing course..if u sleep u will show up on teh tv..so anyway u gotto remain awake..the prof enters and almost immediately starts " yes we can start teh discussion"! hey! i thot he was supposed to give a back ground or sth..and he starts the bidding process..
Hands throw up all over the class....now i have never seen this happen..i hv seen ppl only sleeping in all postures possible in this planet..and suddenly as though the world has changed overnight, guys r seen to be fighting for some sidey grades....
so the discussion starts..the prof does remember a handful of guys ( and gals) whom he can call specifically to give their opinion ( right, i m no way one of them)..and the rest might have grey chances of attracting his attention..infact with so much of shoulder flexing, my shoulder musles have become much much better after that dislocation..
Now the teaching assistant of teh prof will sit in one corner, with a sheet of all teh names of teh course participants..as she will go on marking them as they talk..when she is confused abt whther to award marks, she will put a blank face on the prof, who might give the relevant signals for her to clear her confusion..i never noticed her so much before..now that is teh only job i do in the course:))..yeah not to talk of the dirty stares i recieved from her in return:(
now when the guy picks up the mike, he has to say his name and then start talking..and the discussion moves on..first on chapter readins, then additional readings, the clock strikes 7.15 pm..and the prof takes note. says lets move on to case discussion. now there will be two grps who will present the case from their perspectives..
finally abt 10 mins for discussion of class. when the time is over at 8 pm, the prof decided to intervene and present his analysis till8.15, as every one restlessly keeps looking at the lone clock..
now the idea is clear. no one gets to speak more than once in class. sometimes two times. that is all.
its not rocket science to figure out that u don need to do all the readinsg for the sake of talking for 3 mins. read anyONE properly..make notes on it. be the first to raise hands and utter whatever comes to ur mind. be sure to add words like strategy, perspective, add value., re engineering, grwth rates, profitability and the like ( just like "nadula, kanmani..ponmani.. ellam potukko") to make sure that u r not talking of heaven and hell.
no need to study ANYTHING ELSE. thats all. we know how to take care of ourselves i thot.
i m not selfish. i shared the strategy with my frnds. reducing tehir burden too. the best results happen when we all read different readings. coz, few ppl will raise hands for a particular reading discussion, and all of them can speak and get those marks. and so on.
it worked. yes it did. last three classes i confidently went for class without doing much for teh class. everything was moving on fine.
take teh cue. raise the hand. the moment u get ur mike, say ur NAME LOUDLY. look at her if she takes note. but make sure u turn back to the prof, or it will send the wrong signals;)
u din study @ all? try this instead..take the mike.." Sir, I m Aravindan Krishnan.." now look at the scoring lady to chk if she has taken note of u ..without a second thought, immediately pass the mike to teh next person.. :)) ....ppl actually do this too....
so all was well for some time. and then.
last class, i was too tired to study ANYTHING. the class was all abt vision, mission etc. so usual crap i thot. two chap reading were there, which i din read , then in half sleep enough to manage a sentence or two on the additional reading . a case study that i gave up on..and off to class. first 30 mins was good. though i din speak. i hv enough time i thot.
then the prof said , its time for a surprise quiz. topic? that bloody additinal reading i read in half sleep and the case study i totally gave up on..
now what can u do abt this....i m not worried abt the obscene marks i will get in that quiz..
i m searching for the next strategy already..
Monday, July 31, 2006
Full Circle
Atlast!!!!
It happened!!!! i am a relieved person.
I was a disillusioned lot for quite some days..the events which used to happen a year back were not happening and certainly i felt something amiss in life.
No longer. i m back..yes i m truly back!!
Well aravindan, without his string of lafdas would be reduced to a mere mortal. and that was my only worry all these days. and today i feel a sense of achievement ( or non achievement to be precise)
After two years of waiting, i had made up- my mind to file my tax returns. atlast. i was feeling proud within me as if i was doing a grt favour to the govt. well i was. but not as much. i had my stake in it. the givt owed me a refund on the extra TDS that the company had deducted in my monthly pay cheque. and today was believed to be the last day for filing or sth!
Before we bite the meat of the story, a short intro to the strange relationship ( oh..once more) with my company. while i had a grt time when i was in job, the company had a terrific time with me the moment i had resigned. To give a little idea, i put in my papers 7 days prior to completion of the appraisal period for the year. and that was the last straw. my performance bonus for the year was scrapped. and my appraisal form not even handed a cursory look..i had put my case for escalation which bore no fruit..then they din send the F16 ( not the fighters, i mean Form 16 for IT returns). Finally my provident fund cheque is yet to reach me after a year..hopefully it will be done by the weekend..wats more, for the forms to reach me, i had to bombard the presidents and sr, exec vice presidents for the way in which the company handled ( or mishandled me)..and in 2 days the forms reached me..
So it is quite apparent that there was not love lost between me and the company..and i can tell u we have not seen the end still..
So here i am. waiting to file my returns.
so after a rather insipid lunch, i headed for teh bus stop..my mobile was down on charge..
i realised that i din know my bank account number ( it had changed recently) . called karthik and before i cud get it, my mobile got discharged..waited at the bus stop for almost an hr! form not yet filled..no account number..mobile discharged..super jaathakam..
finally landed up at the IT office..india at its best! loooooooooong Qs....i filled the forms..wrongly..then again..i din have the account number as yet..
i tried my discharged mobile..it was on..for 5 secs..just saw a message from karthik..just as i read the a/c no in 3 secs, the mobile went down..THANK GOD..i din want to hunt for phone booths there..so finally i was shown a long Q..and i stoof there dazed..
we (all ppl in the Q) slowly moved up in life..i mean the stairs and all..
then came the next bombshell!!!! the form needed the bank micr code which i din know..i din have the bank number..and my mobile was discharged! no phones out there in the sec floor..iff left the Q for phone booth again i had to start all over!!! luckily a guy nearby helped me with his mobile....and i had the number of person who dealt with my educational loan..so fortunately got the micr code!!
finally!! after 4 hrs....of wastage ( non utilisation of time for productive activities like blogging, orkutting and chatting)
i was now ready to submit the form..and the lady in charge went thro the form 16 for entering in the system..she gave me a hard look and said..
" ur tax cell guy has not even signed on this form16 for authentication" !!!!
THE END
x---------x
It happened!!!! i am a relieved person.
I was a disillusioned lot for quite some days..the events which used to happen a year back were not happening and certainly i felt something amiss in life.
No longer. i m back..yes i m truly back!!
Well aravindan, without his string of lafdas would be reduced to a mere mortal. and that was my only worry all these days. and today i feel a sense of achievement ( or non achievement to be precise)
After two years of waiting, i had made up- my mind to file my tax returns. atlast. i was feeling proud within me as if i was doing a grt favour to the govt. well i was. but not as much. i had my stake in it. the givt owed me a refund on the extra TDS that the company had deducted in my monthly pay cheque. and today was believed to be the last day for filing or sth!
Before we bite the meat of the story, a short intro to the strange relationship ( oh..once more) with my company. while i had a grt time when i was in job, the company had a terrific time with me the moment i had resigned. To give a little idea, i put in my papers 7 days prior to completion of the appraisal period for the year. and that was the last straw. my performance bonus for the year was scrapped. and my appraisal form not even handed a cursory look..i had put my case for escalation which bore no fruit..then they din send the F16 ( not the fighters, i mean Form 16 for IT returns). Finally my provident fund cheque is yet to reach me after a year..hopefully it will be done by the weekend..wats more, for the forms to reach me, i had to bombard the presidents and sr, exec vice presidents for the way in which the company handled ( or mishandled me)..and in 2 days the forms reached me..
So it is quite apparent that there was not love lost between me and the company..and i can tell u we have not seen the end still..
So here i am. waiting to file my returns.
so after a rather insipid lunch, i headed for teh bus stop..my mobile was down on charge..
i realised that i din know my bank account number ( it had changed recently) . called karthik and before i cud get it, my mobile got discharged..waited at the bus stop for almost an hr! form not yet filled..no account number..mobile discharged..super jaathakam..
finally landed up at the IT office..india at its best! loooooooooong Qs....i filled the forms..wrongly..then again..i din have the account number as yet..
i tried my discharged mobile..it was on..for 5 secs..just saw a message from karthik..just as i read the a/c no in 3 secs, the mobile went down..THANK GOD..i din want to hunt for phone booths there..so finally i was shown a long Q..and i stoof there dazed..
we (all ppl in the Q) slowly moved up in life..i mean the stairs and all..
then came the next bombshell!!!! the form needed the bank micr code which i din know..i din have the bank number..and my mobile was discharged! no phones out there in the sec floor..iff left the Q for phone booth again i had to start all over!!! luckily a guy nearby helped me with his mobile....and i had the number of person who dealt with my educational loan..so fortunately got the micr code!!
finally!! after 4 hrs....of wastage ( non utilisation of time for productive activities like blogging, orkutting and chatting)
i was now ready to submit the form..and the lady in charge went thro the form 16 for entering in the system..she gave me a hard look and said..
" ur tax cell guy has not even signed on this form16 for authentication" !!!!
THE END
x---------x
Saturday, July 22, 2006
Not so random..
Perfection in imperfection.
Most of the events are so called random events. i mean there r equal probabilities of occurence. and they certainly dont happen that way. but then thats how the the forbidden energy gap between theory and practice happens. Certainly i m not the one to talk abt it for the first time. What i m saying is just the extension of Mr. Murphy.
For a person who is constantly dealing with probailities and games of chance, noticing this fact is not much of a discovery.
To provide perspicacity to the puzzle, let me try and tie the loose ends.
When it comes to indoor games, nothing beats daayakattai and trade, for me. brain stimulating games dont stimulate me. reason is that brain and me r not so closely related and i m a resigned fatalist. so i believe in the concept of " this too shall pass, everything happens by design, types. so a chance happening interests me more than a clearly enunciated logical sequence, which is actually fallacious considering that an engineering degree was supposed to engrain in me , a logical mind or some such funda.
Coming to daayakattai, for all those like minded ppl who indulgence in this extravagant exercise ( exaggeration??), tell me something..u get a zillion daayams in between the game when all ur checkers are out of the jail and u r trying to catch every possible malai. when u come to the dokku, u don get a daayam for life and stay stuck there. also if getting daayam has as much probability as has five or six, then why is it that one gets more fives than daayam? and why does one gets more pandayam when u r inside pazham? when u need a two wwhich is one of the most easily arrivable score, u get 12s, 6s,5s and the 3s and 4s and what not. clearly probaility is not king.
Talk abt the trade game ( or business as some ppl might call), we have this practice of making our own trade game. means we design our own rules, countries, board, colour and the like. while designing the game, sometimes we kind of create power centres by making some countries macho specimens. assume there are 26 countries, u will find that there are certain countries which will ALWAYS rake in more money. does not mean that these are big countries, i m talking abt he frequency of arriving at these places and consequently doling out rents. in our case, i can list 8 places which had garnered max revenue every time we play. so the probability that u arrive at a particular country is not exactly 1/26.
So what are the implications? what does all this mean?
The events point out to a deeper concept. the presence of a superior power which conducts events not necessarily elucidated by man made mathematics. man designed mathematics for conducting his quotidian affairs. the more man tries to do things on the basis of probability, something else tells that there are hidden patterns in everything not readily understood by the intelligent yet ignorant homosapien. he is not meant to be discerning as to understand all the motives of the ALL POWERFUL. so thats where we arrive. life is full of patterns and cycles..
Strangely, i have been caught for a while in a debate with myself, whether all happens for a reason. and every other time, i keep cross validating the statement. and i clearly do not know whether i am for it or against it.
nevertheless, as long as it provides some food for thought..err..food for blog, i m not too worried..nwo its time for another quick game..
Most of the events are so called random events. i mean there r equal probabilities of occurence. and they certainly dont happen that way. but then thats how the the forbidden energy gap between theory and practice happens. Certainly i m not the one to talk abt it for the first time. What i m saying is just the extension of Mr. Murphy.
For a person who is constantly dealing with probailities and games of chance, noticing this fact is not much of a discovery.
To provide perspicacity to the puzzle, let me try and tie the loose ends.
When it comes to indoor games, nothing beats daayakattai and trade, for me. brain stimulating games dont stimulate me. reason is that brain and me r not so closely related and i m a resigned fatalist. so i believe in the concept of " this too shall pass, everything happens by design, types. so a chance happening interests me more than a clearly enunciated logical sequence, which is actually fallacious considering that an engineering degree was supposed to engrain in me , a logical mind or some such funda.
Coming to daayakattai, for all those like minded ppl who indulgence in this extravagant exercise ( exaggeration??), tell me something..u get a zillion daayams in between the game when all ur checkers are out of the jail and u r trying to catch every possible malai. when u come to the dokku, u don get a daayam for life and stay stuck there. also if getting daayam has as much probability as has five or six, then why is it that one gets more fives than daayam? and why does one gets more pandayam when u r inside pazham? when u need a two wwhich is one of the most easily arrivable score, u get 12s, 6s,5s and the 3s and 4s and what not. clearly probaility is not king.
Talk abt the trade game ( or business as some ppl might call), we have this practice of making our own trade game. means we design our own rules, countries, board, colour and the like. while designing the game, sometimes we kind of create power centres by making some countries macho specimens. assume there are 26 countries, u will find that there are certain countries which will ALWAYS rake in more money. does not mean that these are big countries, i m talking abt he frequency of arriving at these places and consequently doling out rents. in our case, i can list 8 places which had garnered max revenue every time we play. so the probability that u arrive at a particular country is not exactly 1/26.
So what are the implications? what does all this mean?
The events point out to a deeper concept. the presence of a superior power which conducts events not necessarily elucidated by man made mathematics. man designed mathematics for conducting his quotidian affairs. the more man tries to do things on the basis of probability, something else tells that there are hidden patterns in everything not readily understood by the intelligent yet ignorant homosapien. he is not meant to be discerning as to understand all the motives of the ALL POWERFUL. so thats where we arrive. life is full of patterns and cycles..
Strangely, i have been caught for a while in a debate with myself, whether all happens for a reason. and every other time, i keep cross validating the statement. and i clearly do not know whether i am for it or against it.
nevertheless, as long as it provides some food for thought..err..food for blog, i m not too worried..nwo its time for another quick game..
Friday, July 21, 2006
Mirage..
Listen to the music
Beating within you..
And you have the tonic
For miseries that leave you blue..
Do you grasp the meaning
of the world it implies..
Memories can be healing
to cool off that extra spice..
For not everytime in life
Do events happen..
Events that cut like a knife
And are more difficult to pen..
The human mind
Is a bundle of contradictions..
Neither does it unwind
Nor does it favour predictions..
Time to stop connecting the dots
Or straining your imaginations..
Random dots dont convey inner thoughts
but only engender hallucinations..
Try not to understand
Strive hard to accept..
Build that power to withstand
The forces that make one erupt..
For, somewhere, searching for your reflections,
You chose the wrong mirror..
A mirror that mirrored your error
Forever..the play is over....
Beating within you..
And you have the tonic
For miseries that leave you blue..
Do you grasp the meaning
of the world it implies..
Memories can be healing
to cool off that extra spice..
For not everytime in life
Do events happen..
Events that cut like a knife
And are more difficult to pen..
The human mind
Is a bundle of contradictions..
Neither does it unwind
Nor does it favour predictions..
Time to stop connecting the dots
Or straining your imaginations..
Random dots dont convey inner thoughts
but only engender hallucinations..
Try not to understand
Strive hard to accept..
Build that power to withstand
The forces that make one erupt..
For, somewhere, searching for your reflections,
You chose the wrong mirror..
A mirror that mirrored your error
Forever..the play is over....
Thursday, July 13, 2006
VIT - Visitor In Transit
This morning i was reclining into my sofa watching the evergreen melodies of MS Viswanathan in Jaya TV's - Then Kinnam.
Daddy suggested that I should go back to my Alma Mater and catch up with my profs. I swore that nobody was going to remember me there as i was a total recluse at college. But Daddy insisted that there was going to be that one prof who was never going to forget me....yeah..he was quite right when he said that..i slumped back in to nostalgia..
Mostly everybody enjoys their college life. even more their hostel life. first time out of home, discovering their liberty, having fun with new friends..the list is endless..and I was an abnormal child..to me exception has always been the rule..if my engg life seemed like a theoretical joke..this MBA life so far has been a practical joke.......
I have very vague memories of my engg life. Infact, only two pictures flash thro when i try and think of those days..one is the train journeys between Katpadi and chennai. The other is the subject of this post.
It was the year of the freshman. The first year sure had so many subjects . worst of them in my opinion being basic civil engg. the best of them was easily engineering drawing. well to provide a caveat right here, I din exactly understand let alone master ED, but it gave me the lone memory of my college days.
The memory of Prof. Singaravelu, the Asst. HOD, Mech Dept.
We did not meet in the classroom for the first time. He was my hostel warden. The first weekend, I had argued enough that I have to go home every weekend and staying out in the hostel on saturdays and sundays was just impossible. He let me go. There were other cranky wardens who swore that nobody was to leave the hostel premisses. Thus begain my first journey which would go on for another four years..
So there he was in our first ED class. he had a hard look at me, the guy who was the most craziest guy about spending time at home. I was wary of him. He looked like a villain smiling at me as though he wqs ready to seek revenge..I was a child in my first year. (trust me, many ppl in my class now, still tell me i am a child at heart :-)..so i was reasonably unsure about his intentions
I was a kind of a split personality.coward and couurageous at the same time. While I wanted to be in the safe custody of my parents during weekends, I was willing to take on my prof even if i was warned of my absence from classes.
The positioning of the ED class was one of strategy. There were two classes in a week. One on friday afti and other on mon afti. Now I learnt very soon that I was never going to improve at ED and decide to do away wth ED classes where we had to sit and practise the drawings. I decided to attend the first two classses of every new chap when the prof will teach us teh basics on how to get the concept onto the drawing. I could then cut that friday off midway, midday and catch the afti express to madras. and if i was going to be bored to get up on monday ( kovai starts at 6.15 AM, which meant i had to leave home by 5AM), I was again ditching monday's class as well.
The strategy for the ED had been promptly worked out. and put into prqctice as well. All was fine until one day, the prof came to my drawing table. He was a bit serious and sternly asked me why i was not attending his classes. He said i needed min attendance to even give the exam. He told me that if i continued my tactics, he was going to talk to daddy. I was not amused one bit and just smiled away. and cut the next two classes as well.
Daddy suggested that I should go back to my Alma Mater and catch up with my profs. I swore that nobody was going to remember me there as i was a total recluse at college. But Daddy insisted that there was going to be that one prof who was never going to forget me....yeah..he was quite right when he said that..i slumped back in to nostalgia..
Mostly everybody enjoys their college life. even more their hostel life. first time out of home, discovering their liberty, having fun with new friends..the list is endless..and I was an abnormal child..to me exception has always been the rule..if my engg life seemed like a theoretical joke..this MBA life so far has been a practical joke.......
I have very vague memories of my engg life. Infact, only two pictures flash thro when i try and think of those days..one is the train journeys between Katpadi and chennai. The other is the subject of this post.
It was the year of the freshman. The first year sure had so many subjects . worst of them in my opinion being basic civil engg. the best of them was easily engineering drawing. well to provide a caveat right here, I din exactly understand let alone master ED, but it gave me the lone memory of my college days.
The memory of Prof. Singaravelu, the Asst. HOD, Mech Dept.
We did not meet in the classroom for the first time. He was my hostel warden. The first weekend, I had argued enough that I have to go home every weekend and staying out in the hostel on saturdays and sundays was just impossible. He let me go. There were other cranky wardens who swore that nobody was to leave the hostel premisses. Thus begain my first journey which would go on for another four years..
So there he was in our first ED class. he had a hard look at me, the guy who was the most craziest guy about spending time at home. I was wary of him. He looked like a villain smiling at me as though he wqs ready to seek revenge..I was a child in my first year. (trust me, many ppl in my class now, still tell me i am a child at heart :-)..so i was reasonably unsure about his intentions
I was a kind of a split personality.coward and couurageous at the same time. While I wanted to be in the safe custody of my parents during weekends, I was willing to take on my prof even if i was warned of my absence from classes.
The positioning of the ED class was one of strategy. There were two classes in a week. One on friday afti and other on mon afti. Now I learnt very soon that I was never going to improve at ED and decide to do away wth ED classes where we had to sit and practise the drawings. I decided to attend the first two classses of every new chap when the prof will teach us teh basics on how to get the concept onto the drawing. I could then cut that friday off midway, midday and catch the afti express to madras. and if i was going to be bored to get up on monday ( kovai starts at 6.15 AM, which meant i had to leave home by 5AM), I was again ditching monday's class as well.
The strategy for the ED had been promptly worked out. and put into prqctice as well. All was fine until one day, the prof came to my drawing table. He was a bit serious and sternly asked me why i was not attending his classes. He said i needed min attendance to even give the exam. He told me that if i continued my tactics, he was going to talk to daddy. I was not amused one bit and just smiled away. and cut the next two classes as well.
The next class we had a face off {:))}!!!! He was furious but still controlled himself. He told me that he was going to talk to daddy for sure. I was a bit over confident..and gave him my home no without even him asking for it..He said he will call up for sure..Yet another gimmick i thought..
I was wrong..
That week's saturday..i was watching songs in sun tv and the like. a phone call came. i lifted. and a voice thundered.."Prof Singaravelu here..give the fone to ur daddy"! excuse me..i was not expecting this..blame my over confidence..
I meekly surrendered the fone to daddy. They talked for 10 mins. Daddy told me that the prof was not apparently worried abt my ED skills as much he worried abt my damn poor atendance. I decided to accept daddy's advice to attend the rest of the classes. all for attendance sake. ED was a forgone conclusion for me.
I attended all the classes for the next one month. some even on saturdays. I was not spending enough time at home. Finally daddy told me that he missed me, and asked me to bunk the monday's class coz i had attended saturdays class. So i again bunked the following class.
Now the prof really went crazy. he called me aside and asked me whether i was bunking on my own or my father was abetting my actions..i could only smile..i dare not tell him. I managed to scrape thro the univ exam . the next 3 years did not see much of interaction between us.
Finally it was my convocation. I saw the prof standing beside his students - shd be atleast 15 of them in front of the main building. As I wished him..He placed his arms around my shoulder and introduced me to his students " You must have known only abt visiting profs, but i introduce to you, the visiting student of VIT - GOD only knows how he cleared the ED paper after barely attending my classes. All the best Aravindan" He wore a big smile on his face. Basically he had damaged my reputation in front of my juniors - but i liked the term he coined for me - visiting student of VIT.
A compliment to cherish for the rest of my life....anybody disagrees??
Sunday, July 09, 2006
Population is handy..
What is the height of blogging?
when u step in to the cyber cafe and write a post..
right..anyway
i was thinking abt this population "thingy" for quite some time since i started touring a month back..go to the airports see long queues..as middle class travels more n more by air, we hv a serious problem...leave that ..see the rly stns, they need a serious remodelling..delhi metro system was mindblowing..sth to be done in those lines..whats more, we need systems which makes supervision easier and lessens waiting time..huge capacities..
but that is not the subject of my post..
i m in delhi and hv been trying to spend 12hrs to catch tamilnadu exp, its a tough time..but population comes very handy..
for example, to walk from ajmeri gate side of teh stn to the paharganj, it took 30 mins..good crowd. ( bbay ofcourse is the star performer)..
then for teh cloak room, again a long Q. takes a min of 1 hr irrespective of teh time u enter the Q. infact i started remembering a bit of OR abt thoise queing theories with all those random numbers on waiting and servicer times.
go to a hotel, u will be served after 40-45 mins. if u ever wanted to waste time while in transit, India offers u the best solution. population explosion has never been guiven the credit that was due sadly..
think abt it, u need not try shopping, no need tp spend money, just do all the essential stuff ( i mean drudgeries) for ur journey and ur time whizzes by.
one more addon, i got this browsing centre after searching all over connaught place for 2 hours ( i mean 2 hrs seriosly). whats more, i had successfully circled the LIC building and palika bazaar 8 times. everytime i went searching i landed at the same place in different fashions. look at the marvel of indian architectuire ( or marvel at my extraordinary brain)
another 4 hrs to waste away. i m confident of handling it..time to leave for yet another engrossing searching session. soul searching session.haha
tata
when u step in to the cyber cafe and write a post..
right..anyway
i was thinking abt this population "thingy" for quite some time since i started touring a month back..go to the airports see long queues..as middle class travels more n more by air, we hv a serious problem...leave that ..see the rly stns, they need a serious remodelling..delhi metro system was mindblowing..sth to be done in those lines..whats more, we need systems which makes supervision easier and lessens waiting time..huge capacities..
but that is not the subject of my post..
i m in delhi and hv been trying to spend 12hrs to catch tamilnadu exp, its a tough time..but population comes very handy..
for example, to walk from ajmeri gate side of teh stn to the paharganj, it took 30 mins..good crowd. ( bbay ofcourse is the star performer)..
then for teh cloak room, again a long Q. takes a min of 1 hr irrespective of teh time u enter the Q. infact i started remembering a bit of OR abt thoise queing theories with all those random numbers on waiting and servicer times.
go to a hotel, u will be served after 40-45 mins. if u ever wanted to waste time while in transit, India offers u the best solution. population explosion has never been guiven the credit that was due sadly..
think abt it, u need not try shopping, no need tp spend money, just do all the essential stuff ( i mean drudgeries) for ur journey and ur time whizzes by.
one more addon, i got this browsing centre after searching all over connaught place for 2 hours ( i mean 2 hrs seriosly). whats more, i had successfully circled the LIC building and palika bazaar 8 times. everytime i went searching i landed at the same place in different fashions. look at the marvel of indian architectuire ( or marvel at my extraordinary brain)
another 4 hrs to waste away. i m confident of handling it..time to leave for yet another engrossing searching session. soul searching session.haha
tata
Friday, June 30, 2006
The Bigamist..
The summers is over(yeah rains r lashing bbay) .
Some experiences can be funny but frustrating..some so frustrating that u r finally forced to view it funnily. I get glimpses of Bigamy in my summer project!
Bigamy and summer project?
Yes..if anybody is already into thinking in any wrong directions, pls get back..i m not at all talking abt people per se, working in a company. its about a concept ( i hv been inventing too many concepts these days, makkal odha kudukka wait panraa:)) )
To say the least, all through this summer project i hv lived the life of a bigamist :-(
If tam ppl could go back to one of those maadhu cheenu dramas, where maadhu marries a second time, and is working his way thro pipelines shuttling between mythili and janaki, as if he is at both places same time, my situation wd not be entirely different!
The biggest problem with summer projects is living a dual life..u hv to work in the office and if u dont do it the proper way like me, hv to work at home as well..
Alas, I dont hv the luxury of online data updation ( like the ones i studied in MIT, that if i make a word / xl doc at office, hv to mail it to my account to retrieve at home. and vice versa. and i m an aam aadmi, so dont possess those costly pen drives, and i hate using the floppies....
so mail , it has to be..
now whenever i hv serious reviews, the mail fails to deliver or delivers zero k..and i look like a loose bolt of a fused lantern....
the worst part is, at 4 in the morning, when u want to drop down dead, u have to again mail the stuff back to u..and in iit gpo, the thing gets stuck time n again ( one of the most shady mail programmes i hv ever used)..
at times, i fall asleep with comp on, while doing the report, then get up after an hr to shut down the system..and remember that i hv to do trhe drudgery of mailing on to me....
if i take a serious count, i hv never sent so many mails even to my beloved ones, as much as i hv sent to myself....go to office..bus abt to leave at half past five, u start to mail ur work....gpo goes insane, go hare in the brain, run in the rain, take all the strain....and finally left to drain....
now yeah, i hv perfected the art of managing two homes....keep both of them satisfied....work from both places..become less forgetfull....think of both....appreciate, negotiate, satiate....oh this is getting too much....
anyway in a roll, this is all i wanted to say, the life of a project trainee ( minus a pen drive) is much like a bigamist.
btw, why look askance at bigamists? with their management and negotiation skills, there are the true management thinkers....
PS:
I don ofcourse intend to become a management thinker :) and hope that clears the bottomline
Some experiences can be funny but frustrating..some so frustrating that u r finally forced to view it funnily. I get glimpses of Bigamy in my summer project!
Bigamy and summer project?
Yes..if anybody is already into thinking in any wrong directions, pls get back..i m not at all talking abt people per se, working in a company. its about a concept ( i hv been inventing too many concepts these days, makkal odha kudukka wait panraa:)) )
To say the least, all through this summer project i hv lived the life of a bigamist :-(
If tam ppl could go back to one of those maadhu cheenu dramas, where maadhu marries a second time, and is working his way thro pipelines shuttling between mythili and janaki, as if he is at both places same time, my situation wd not be entirely different!
The biggest problem with summer projects is living a dual life..u hv to work in the office and if u dont do it the proper way like me, hv to work at home as well..
Alas, I dont hv the luxury of online data updation ( like the ones i studied in MIT, that if i make a word / xl doc at office, hv to mail it to my account to retrieve at home. and vice versa. and i m an aam aadmi, so dont possess those costly pen drives, and i hate using the floppies....
so mail , it has to be..
now whenever i hv serious reviews, the mail fails to deliver or delivers zero k..and i look like a loose bolt of a fused lantern....
the worst part is, at 4 in the morning, when u want to drop down dead, u have to again mail the stuff back to u..and in iit gpo, the thing gets stuck time n again ( one of the most shady mail programmes i hv ever used)..
at times, i fall asleep with comp on, while doing the report, then get up after an hr to shut down the system..and remember that i hv to do trhe drudgery of mailing on to me....
if i take a serious count, i hv never sent so many mails even to my beloved ones, as much as i hv sent to myself....go to office..bus abt to leave at half past five, u start to mail ur work....gpo goes insane, go hare in the brain, run in the rain, take all the strain....and finally left to drain....
now yeah, i hv perfected the art of managing two homes....keep both of them satisfied....work from both places..become less forgetfull....think of both....appreciate, negotiate, satiate....oh this is getting too much....
anyway in a roll, this is all i wanted to say, the life of a project trainee ( minus a pen drive) is much like a bigamist.
btw, why look askance at bigamists? with their management and negotiation skills, there are the true management thinkers....
PS:
I don ofcourse intend to become a management thinker :) and hope that clears the bottomline
Saturday, June 24, 2006
Strange Relationship
I have made it a habit of writing a post when i am about to fall down dead tired....this is what is called mapping of thoughts under sapping of energy.
i hv been thinking lately abt this very simple and difficult to understand thing called friendship. there are many levels to friendship. one frnd had mentioned something on it in a blog earlier, so i don want to arachify the same maavu. instead i would want to describe a different type of friendship. the friendship of mutual opportunism.
the concept is dead simple.
it was sth i had to experience in the 130 km travel stretch between katpadi and chennai central during engg days. perhaps i was taught many things abt life in this 2 hr journey sitting on the doorsteps. in a very cramped fashion. and train journeys have their own way of educating you.
so we (both) used to travel together from college to home. everytime. we shared the same passion. if we r going get even half a day, we shall make it to home. what ever happens. we had different reasons altogether. he had parties and frnds and masti. i had my mega serials to catch up with. and discuss them with paati and amma. one wd ask how come mega serials on weekends? well we usually dont stay in college that longer! we leave by wed evening. and return the next monday. we had practised it religiously. pratice makes man perfect. we were near perfect.
so it was to be.
we were in the same discipline. we also shared the same frustration. flunked jee a second time while in first year of college. so it was sth to relate to each other.
we sat in the last benches. he was nicknamed the son of chemical engg. the HOD's pet. yes he was quite fundu. i was just another guy in the chemm engg classroom. we enjoyed making fun of profs. i was too tired to listen to all the jokes these profs make and yet call it as teaching. he had much less regard for them. sure we did have some axe to grind.
how different can a friendship be?
we had to walk around 1.5 km to 2 km along the track to make it to the railway station. and then a 2 hr travel to madras. we just walked along. we dont talk much. walking side by side for 20 mins. each engrossed in his own thoughts.
we sat next to each other in that little space on the doorstep. faces headed out of the door as if to search for peace outside. the next two hours would be as silent as death. ofcourse except for the random dadang sounds of changing of tracks and the odd whistle.
is it possible for two ppl to carry on a journey as this without a word literally.
and then another time, we do travel. this time we wd be discussing abt life and the unified theory of relativity. how if good and bad were unfied, ppl see it in the same way, there could be peace in this world. and so many other difficult to ponder topics.
we get caught together by TTEs for not getting the super fast tickets. bargain for fine.
we study alone. we rarely discuss even during exams. we only had those bread rolls during those breaks in fortran labs. we devoured sambar and appalaam big time in hostel mess.
during exams, the exam ends by 1pm. which is exactly the same time, we have our west coast exp for chennai. so we keep seeing each other as to when the other is going to give the paper. and when one gives, the other gives it immediately. partners in crime.
ofcourse finally we did our B.Tech project together. i was denies entry in the chemical plant. he slogged big time. then finally i went to his place and finished all those calculation stuff in 2 hrs. the only contribution i made to a month long project. 2 hrs if u call it. we had fun doing them. both of us were interested in chemical process calculations.
there was never a moment, when i thought here is a guy i want to go and hang out with. same with him.
we had a unsaid contract. of giving company to each other and when either of us dint have any!
that was during these train journeys, projects and last bench gossips.
no friendship. no formalities.
the last time i heard from him was 2 years back when he mailed from alabama that he wanted an idea of how we did the project calculations. that was all.
its funny how i thought of him so suddenly.
the contract law says " There must be an intention to proceed into a contract"
there was neither intention in our friendship. and consequently no extension either.
somehow i actually liked this all.
because i believe not all happens for a reason!
i hv been thinking lately abt this very simple and difficult to understand thing called friendship. there are many levels to friendship. one frnd had mentioned something on it in a blog earlier, so i don want to arachify the same maavu. instead i would want to describe a different type of friendship. the friendship of mutual opportunism.
the concept is dead simple.
it was sth i had to experience in the 130 km travel stretch between katpadi and chennai central during engg days. perhaps i was taught many things abt life in this 2 hr journey sitting on the doorsteps. in a very cramped fashion. and train journeys have their own way of educating you.
so we (both) used to travel together from college to home. everytime. we shared the same passion. if we r going get even half a day, we shall make it to home. what ever happens. we had different reasons altogether. he had parties and frnds and masti. i had my mega serials to catch up with. and discuss them with paati and amma. one wd ask how come mega serials on weekends? well we usually dont stay in college that longer! we leave by wed evening. and return the next monday. we had practised it religiously. pratice makes man perfect. we were near perfect.
so it was to be.
we were in the same discipline. we also shared the same frustration. flunked jee a second time while in first year of college. so it was sth to relate to each other.
we sat in the last benches. he was nicknamed the son of chemical engg. the HOD's pet. yes he was quite fundu. i was just another guy in the chemm engg classroom. we enjoyed making fun of profs. i was too tired to listen to all the jokes these profs make and yet call it as teaching. he had much less regard for them. sure we did have some axe to grind.
how different can a friendship be?
we had to walk around 1.5 km to 2 km along the track to make it to the railway station. and then a 2 hr travel to madras. we just walked along. we dont talk much. walking side by side for 20 mins. each engrossed in his own thoughts.
we sat next to each other in that little space on the doorstep. faces headed out of the door as if to search for peace outside. the next two hours would be as silent as death. ofcourse except for the random dadang sounds of changing of tracks and the odd whistle.
is it possible for two ppl to carry on a journey as this without a word literally.
and then another time, we do travel. this time we wd be discussing abt life and the unified theory of relativity. how if good and bad were unfied, ppl see it in the same way, there could be peace in this world. and so many other difficult to ponder topics.
we get caught together by TTEs for not getting the super fast tickets. bargain for fine.
we study alone. we rarely discuss even during exams. we only had those bread rolls during those breaks in fortran labs. we devoured sambar and appalaam big time in hostel mess.
during exams, the exam ends by 1pm. which is exactly the same time, we have our west coast exp for chennai. so we keep seeing each other as to when the other is going to give the paper. and when one gives, the other gives it immediately. partners in crime.
ofcourse finally we did our B.Tech project together. i was denies entry in the chemical plant. he slogged big time. then finally i went to his place and finished all those calculation stuff in 2 hrs. the only contribution i made to a month long project. 2 hrs if u call it. we had fun doing them. both of us were interested in chemical process calculations.
there was never a moment, when i thought here is a guy i want to go and hang out with. same with him.
we had a unsaid contract. of giving company to each other and when either of us dint have any!
that was during these train journeys, projects and last bench gossips.
no friendship. no formalities.
the last time i heard from him was 2 years back when he mailed from alabama that he wanted an idea of how we did the project calculations. that was all.
its funny how i thought of him so suddenly.
the contract law says " There must be an intention to proceed into a contract"
there was neither intention in our friendship. and consequently no extension either.
somehow i actually liked this all.
because i believe not all happens for a reason!
Saturday, June 10, 2006
Rewind..
Time for rewind..so much has happened in the last one year..so much more in store by the end of next year.
if i had really enjoyed living outside home it had to be IIT and nothing less. din enjoy it in VIT. enjoyed a bit in RIL for 5 months when i was in nagothane.
but the last one year has been good and different. to start with, with my interview handling capabilities, cud never hope to get an admit. PERUMAL got it done.
but after coming here, there remains the fact that i have become only more confused than ever.
lost interest in studies a bit too quickly. and i hv no idea what kind of job wd interest me at all. did nothing in acads as such. nothing much in extra curriculars as well. stopped reading daily newspapers. spent more time in yahoo and internet. only if my father wd hv watched what i was doing here..i wd be asked to head for home if i was not going to get any better.
i am confused. not my problem only. everyone is a bit confused. i was told that those guys who get into these instis were supposed to have some kind of clarity in thoughts. one more myth.
after a bad year at acads it has been a tiresome summers. travelling more and utilising 100% of the scorching sun. am actually learning life the hard way. i usually do this way.
learning how difficult it is to handle ppl who are so indifferent. how u realise if u have some degree of self dignity, sorry , marketing is not the place for u. many a times, if i had been my normal self, i wd have gone ahead and blasted all those who did not know the meaning of courtesy. but then i had to bear all crap just for this summer project!
a 10 day stint in delhi only made me sure that bbay was a better place any day to live in. and looking at how my cousins have been spread out now all over the country, i stand very less chance of getting a job in chennai. and if the opportunity is worthwhile, it will be a while before i get back to my aam in madras. time enough for that.
the best thing to have happened over the last year has been friends. i never made a lot of friends. i usually stick to the closer ones. but for a change, it as been so different here. the count i made here was adding one equal half to the count i had managed in 25 years of existence. not just the ones who study with me, did manage to make altogether new friends beyond my locus of imagination and get some really good old ones too..
am really waiting for the summers to get over to get the experience of my life. i m very excited abt it. hopefully i shd make it there.
a bit of dabbling with music at times has also been very enriching. my first try at creating some music however bad it might have been. i guess i did learn a thing or two on handling the keys.
thanks to kiran for company.
although i havent learnt much academically, i guess i learnt more from life. there is so much to learn.
my only take from life as i always imagine....the things worthy of learning are those which u learn without even realising that u learn them and in then in one more sober moment of life, u recall and reminisce and relish those memories.
but i am pestered with a question.
should thing happen in life just to be a memory?
if i had really enjoyed living outside home it had to be IIT and nothing less. din enjoy it in VIT. enjoyed a bit in RIL for 5 months when i was in nagothane.
but the last one year has been good and different. to start with, with my interview handling capabilities, cud never hope to get an admit. PERUMAL got it done.
but after coming here, there remains the fact that i have become only more confused than ever.
lost interest in studies a bit too quickly. and i hv no idea what kind of job wd interest me at all. did nothing in acads as such. nothing much in extra curriculars as well. stopped reading daily newspapers. spent more time in yahoo and internet. only if my father wd hv watched what i was doing here..i wd be asked to head for home if i was not going to get any better.
i am confused. not my problem only. everyone is a bit confused. i was told that those guys who get into these instis were supposed to have some kind of clarity in thoughts. one more myth.
after a bad year at acads it has been a tiresome summers. travelling more and utilising 100% of the scorching sun. am actually learning life the hard way. i usually do this way.
learning how difficult it is to handle ppl who are so indifferent. how u realise if u have some degree of self dignity, sorry , marketing is not the place for u. many a times, if i had been my normal self, i wd have gone ahead and blasted all those who did not know the meaning of courtesy. but then i had to bear all crap just for this summer project!
a 10 day stint in delhi only made me sure that bbay was a better place any day to live in. and looking at how my cousins have been spread out now all over the country, i stand very less chance of getting a job in chennai. and if the opportunity is worthwhile, it will be a while before i get back to my aam in madras. time enough for that.
the best thing to have happened over the last year has been friends. i never made a lot of friends. i usually stick to the closer ones. but for a change, it as been so different here. the count i made here was adding one equal half to the count i had managed in 25 years of existence. not just the ones who study with me, did manage to make altogether new friends beyond my locus of imagination and get some really good old ones too..
am really waiting for the summers to get over to get the experience of my life. i m very excited abt it. hopefully i shd make it there.
a bit of dabbling with music at times has also been very enriching. my first try at creating some music however bad it might have been. i guess i did learn a thing or two on handling the keys.
thanks to kiran for company.
although i havent learnt much academically, i guess i learnt more from life. there is so much to learn.
my only take from life as i always imagine....the things worthy of learning are those which u learn without even realising that u learn them and in then in one more sober moment of life, u recall and reminisce and relish those memories.
but i am pestered with a question.
should thing happen in life just to be a memory?
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Dilemmas..
Can dilemmas be sweet?
yes. noticed that when i used to handle yahoo chats and fone talks. the dilemma of who will end conversations first?
it happened when i was in surat. din have a mobile fone. so talking to akka was a shy difficult. so we planned weekend yahoo voice chats. every time for atleast 3 hours.
as we neared the end, i will say bye. and will type bye. she will too. and then i will not sign out immediately. 5 mins will pass. then she will say bye againn . and i will say bye. yet again after 5 mins she will again say bye. this will continue..and then we will finally settle for a fresh round of chatting.
again here comes fone convos. we used to talk real lot before her marriage. like everybody sleeps at ten. we will try to sleep but will end up talking till 12. so scenario changed after her marriage.
and i also got posted out of city. so times changed.
and then when i visit madras, we keep talking and updating 7 times a day and everytime for 30 mins. when we r done with teh convo, we decide to hang up..again bye as usual. i wil say bye and wait for her to cut. and she , the same.. its difficult really deciding who will cut the fone.
finally we do. who does, i m not still sure
now things have changed a bit. does not happen that much. cut fones pretty soon without game theory....but 7 times a day and 30 mins is still there....
i miss the dilemma..however..
dilemmas are interesting after all. its time i had some dilemma in life....
yes. noticed that when i used to handle yahoo chats and fone talks. the dilemma of who will end conversations first?
it happened when i was in surat. din have a mobile fone. so talking to akka was a shy difficult. so we planned weekend yahoo voice chats. every time for atleast 3 hours.
as we neared the end, i will say bye. and will type bye. she will too. and then i will not sign out immediately. 5 mins will pass. then she will say bye againn . and i will say bye. yet again after 5 mins she will again say bye. this will continue..and then we will finally settle for a fresh round of chatting.
again here comes fone convos. we used to talk real lot before her marriage. like everybody sleeps at ten. we will try to sleep but will end up talking till 12. so scenario changed after her marriage.
and i also got posted out of city. so times changed.
and then when i visit madras, we keep talking and updating 7 times a day and everytime for 30 mins. when we r done with teh convo, we decide to hang up..again bye as usual. i wil say bye and wait for her to cut. and she , the same.. its difficult really deciding who will cut the fone.
finally we do. who does, i m not still sure
now things have changed a bit. does not happen that much. cut fones pretty soon without game theory....but 7 times a day and 30 mins is still there....
i miss the dilemma..however..
dilemmas are interesting after all. its time i had some dilemma in life....
Sunday, June 04, 2006
Experience..
One thing I had been wanting to write was some of my experiences. not they r so unusual. everyone has some kind of experience. but there are patterns.
I had mentioned a long time back that there are always certain constants in life even as times are changing..
Something that i had understand out of ( not 'outta') experience. If i were to track my life since class 10, this truth is sth that has stood the test of time.
i mean the kind of decisions i had taken in life.
To crack open in a nutshell, i had taken stands and decisions which were too much for me. Always tried to bite more than i could chew.
Results - Frustrations in the short term. damn frustrations i mean. I could nearly break down but but for PERUMAL. I had come out of all those sheerly due to HIM. Then it becomes history. something to look back on. sometimes pretty fond remembrances. in fact, in the long term, they were boons to me.
Right after 10th, I got a free kit to prepare for jee. and everybody had unrealistic hopes on me that i was going to become some kind of an engineer. to me that time engineer meant building houses. nothing more than that. I did not even hear abt IIT till that time. I had been a pampered child who does not know the outside world or ever heard of hard work.
come 11th std, and some stupid peer pressure caused me to prepare for jee. Despite knowing well that i was chasing shadows, i did the obvious. tried to study. to no avail. magesh and balaji wd probably testify the sleepless nights in teh car garage where we unsuccessfully carried out all our preparation.
But even they never knew that all this led me to some kind of depression. ( actually almost nobody knew this). At nights i used to dream of all mathematical formulae hovering over my head. Literally threw away all jee books. cried. yes, i cried out loud. stopped going to school for a week. told amma and daddy that i was not going to stay at my home in T.Nagar. Decided to pack off for adambakkam for my paati's house. They din have an answer. I was off. They were stunned. They knew me more than myself. So they sent me.
Reached paati's place in afternoon. and suddenly everything looked rosy. Adambakkam in those days was still like a village. i liked that serenity. i was running high fever when i reached there. but everything had calmed down by evening. i relished paati's company. she gave a hot cup of filter coffee and we sat down to watch some tamil serials ( not soaps..those days they were short n sweet with some social messages). within a day or two, i was becoming saner than i was. and in quick time, i was there realising that i was missing classses and went home promptly. i was almost a maniac when i left home for adambakkam. but i had recovered well enough. next two years breezed. din get thro jee. screwed the only entrance exam of the state. but at the end of 12th i realised that a jee coaching had probably made me feel that i had decent grounding in science and maths, which helped me thro my engg and then on.
I know there are lot of people who prepare and get thro easily. they were brilliant. i was not. i failed. i did fail. i even failed a second time.
first learning in life :
Learn to accept failure. The only failure in life is to lack the courage to stand failures in life.
{ and i had too many failures to back the statement :))}
More experiences to come..
I had mentioned a long time back that there are always certain constants in life even as times are changing..
Something that i had understand out of ( not 'outta') experience. If i were to track my life since class 10, this truth is sth that has stood the test of time.
i mean the kind of decisions i had taken in life.
To crack open in a nutshell, i had taken stands and decisions which were too much for me. Always tried to bite more than i could chew.
Results - Frustrations in the short term. damn frustrations i mean. I could nearly break down but but for PERUMAL. I had come out of all those sheerly due to HIM. Then it becomes history. something to look back on. sometimes pretty fond remembrances. in fact, in the long term, they were boons to me.
Right after 10th, I got a free kit to prepare for jee. and everybody had unrealistic hopes on me that i was going to become some kind of an engineer. to me that time engineer meant building houses. nothing more than that. I did not even hear abt IIT till that time. I had been a pampered child who does not know the outside world or ever heard of hard work.
come 11th std, and some stupid peer pressure caused me to prepare for jee. Despite knowing well that i was chasing shadows, i did the obvious. tried to study. to no avail. magesh and balaji wd probably testify the sleepless nights in teh car garage where we unsuccessfully carried out all our preparation.
But even they never knew that all this led me to some kind of depression. ( actually almost nobody knew this). At nights i used to dream of all mathematical formulae hovering over my head. Literally threw away all jee books. cried. yes, i cried out loud. stopped going to school for a week. told amma and daddy that i was not going to stay at my home in T.Nagar. Decided to pack off for adambakkam for my paati's house. They din have an answer. I was off. They were stunned. They knew me more than myself. So they sent me.
Reached paati's place in afternoon. and suddenly everything looked rosy. Adambakkam in those days was still like a village. i liked that serenity. i was running high fever when i reached there. but everything had calmed down by evening. i relished paati's company. she gave a hot cup of filter coffee and we sat down to watch some tamil serials ( not soaps..those days they were short n sweet with some social messages). within a day or two, i was becoming saner than i was. and in quick time, i was there realising that i was missing classses and went home promptly. i was almost a maniac when i left home for adambakkam. but i had recovered well enough. next two years breezed. din get thro jee. screwed the only entrance exam of the state. but at the end of 12th i realised that a jee coaching had probably made me feel that i had decent grounding in science and maths, which helped me thro my engg and then on.
I know there are lot of people who prepare and get thro easily. they were brilliant. i was not. i failed. i did fail. i even failed a second time.
first learning in life :
Learn to accept failure. The only failure in life is to lack the courage to stand failures in life.
{ and i had too many failures to back the statement :))}
More experiences to come..
Saturday, June 03, 2006
Return to Innocence
Thats not the beginning of the end
Thats the return to yourself
The return to innocence.
..
Love - devotion..
Feeling - emotion..
..
Dont be afraid to be weak
Dont be too proud to be strong
Just look into your heart my friend
That will be the return to yourself
The return to innocence.
If you want, then start to laugh
If you must, then start to cry
Be yourself dont hide
Just believe in destiny.
Dont care what people say
Just follow your own way
Dont give up and use the chance
To return to innocence.
Thats not the beginning of the end
Thats the return to yourself
The return to innocence.
Dont care what people say
Follow just your own way
Follow just your own way
Dont give up, dont give up
To return, to return to innocence.
If you want then laugh
If you must then cry
Be yourself dont hide
Just believe in destiny.
- Enigma
Thats the return to yourself
The return to innocence.
..
Love - devotion..
Feeling - emotion..
..
Dont be afraid to be weak
Dont be too proud to be strong
Just look into your heart my friend
That will be the return to yourself
The return to innocence.
If you want, then start to laugh
If you must, then start to cry
Be yourself dont hide
Just believe in destiny.
Dont care what people say
Just follow your own way
Dont give up and use the chance
To return to innocence.
Thats not the beginning of the end
Thats the return to yourself
The return to innocence.
Dont care what people say
Follow just your own way
Follow just your own way
Dont give up, dont give up
To return, to return to innocence.
If you want then laugh
If you must then cry
Be yourself dont hide
Just believe in destiny.
- Enigma
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
The Last Mile..Chapter II
Seasons are changing....life is rearranging. or it seemed so. does the locale have a say on ur emotions?
It certainly looked like that.
A 100 days of togetherness in solitude was a testimony to this. There were ofcourse minor..very minor meetings. like there is actually no meeting. no feeling. just physical stares. many times unawares. nothing more. not even a bit more to be precise. The closest they came to was when they actually accidentally met at common prayers. Prayers have their own wonderful way of bringing together people. usually. but not here. did destiny will? correction. did their destinies will?
They talked for the first time. officially. like making their backgrounds clear. not too many intentions. does every intro need to have a meaning really? a question that has confused many a souls. a question for which answers are hard to find. a search into the infinite space of the mind. oh mind, unwind....
Life is full of introductions. People meet, know, see ppl. knowing does not mean that it shd serve a purpose. knowing means knowing. it can lead to a lot of events. "can" does not mean "should". The problem with mankind is that everytime one knows another there is a tendency to extrapolate events. exaggerate circumstances. aggrevate misconceptions. expedite rejections. wallow in dejections.
Still he was not to fall into the trap. He had been carefull all these years. he had seen ppl fall in. and out. down and out. drought.
But strange are the ways of love. in catching up with someone who never wanted to get into the vague shades of life. and love.
It certainly looked like that.
A 100 days of togetherness in solitude was a testimony to this. There were ofcourse minor..very minor meetings. like there is actually no meeting. no feeling. just physical stares. many times unawares. nothing more. not even a bit more to be precise. The closest they came to was when they actually accidentally met at common prayers. Prayers have their own wonderful way of bringing together people. usually. but not here. did destiny will? correction. did their destinies will?
They talked for the first time. officially. like making their backgrounds clear. not too many intentions. does every intro need to have a meaning really? a question that has confused many a souls. a question for which answers are hard to find. a search into the infinite space of the mind. oh mind, unwind....
Life is full of introductions. People meet, know, see ppl. knowing does not mean that it shd serve a purpose. knowing means knowing. it can lead to a lot of events. "can" does not mean "should". The problem with mankind is that everytime one knows another there is a tendency to extrapolate events. exaggerate circumstances. aggrevate misconceptions. expedite rejections. wallow in dejections.
Still he was not to fall into the trap. He had been carefull all these years. he had seen ppl fall in. and out. down and out. drought.
But strange are the ways of love. in catching up with someone who never wanted to get into the vague shades of life. and love.
Saturday, May 13, 2006
The last mile.... chapter 1
It seemed like some major celebration. the whole crowd was seated. he was in a world of his own. blissfully ignorant of a larger plan. it was all a part of nature's design. destiny.
The days went by. until the day everyone was to follow different paths. 6 paths to be exact. temporary though. well how temporary is temporary? he left much earlier.he belonged to a different species. she followed much later. it did not matter. they never knew each other. or rather. he did not know her. it was a huge crowd. he easily missed her.
and then nature plays. a small bunch arrives one day. to the same place. and one among them. intuitive glances exchange. he has no idea. yet. the smile passes. so does she.
they never met. never had to. though the group was small. and though she did know him. why should everything happen so fast ?
on the contrary, if things happen too fast..maybe something is not quite right. well..
The days went by. until the day everyone was to follow different paths. 6 paths to be exact. temporary though. well how temporary is temporary? he left much earlier.he belonged to a different species. she followed much later. it did not matter. they never knew each other. or rather. he did not know her. it was a huge crowd. he easily missed her.
and then nature plays. a small bunch arrives one day. to the same place. and one among them. intuitive glances exchange. he has no idea. yet. the smile passes. so does she.
they never met. never had to. though the group was small. and though she did know him. why should everything happen so fast ?
on the contrary, if things happen too fast..maybe something is not quite right. well..
Thursday, May 11, 2006
What next?
rediff.com can give a zillion reasons for defeat of amma and the returning of dmk to power.
there can be only two truths abt TN elections for eternity. i m dead sure.
1. verdicts r always clear.
2. the principle of - u one time - i one time.
nothing more needs to be said. throw all reasons. into the dustbin.
via my marketing project, i can say that TN people exhibit variety seeking tendency. if anyone wants to check. i am ready to float my marketing survey questionnaire. volunteers please!!
i m not too worried. but curious.
now i m looking forward to see how CTVs r going into enter into BPL families. i guess the brand of TVs ppl will get also be BPL brand only;)
as if BPL ppl needed just this TV for enriching their lives....not education n other useful stuff. TV is all they need. and ppl select such governments. way back in 1971 i guess, anna promised 3 padis of arisi for a rupee. paati told me. n not one padi was also given. pls chk with respective thaathas n paatis for credibility of this info n tell me. pls give me a break now.
well i need a break really. for the next five years!!!!
there can be only two truths abt TN elections for eternity. i m dead sure.
1. verdicts r always clear.
2. the principle of - u one time - i one time.
nothing more needs to be said. throw all reasons. into the dustbin.
via my marketing project, i can say that TN people exhibit variety seeking tendency. if anyone wants to check. i am ready to float my marketing survey questionnaire. volunteers please!!
i m not too worried. but curious.
now i m looking forward to see how CTVs r going into enter into BPL families. i guess the brand of TVs ppl will get also be BPL brand only;)
as if BPL ppl needed just this TV for enriching their lives....not education n other useful stuff. TV is all they need. and ppl select such governments. way back in 1971 i guess, anna promised 3 padis of arisi for a rupee. paati told me. n not one padi was also given. pls chk with respective thaathas n paatis for credibility of this info n tell me. pls give me a break now.
well i need a break really. for the next five years!!!!
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
So Beautiful..
Nothing beats Darren Hayes Lyrics....and his voice....so beautiful..
_________________________________
So Beautiful..
Whether I'm right or wrong
There's no phrase that hits
Like an ocean needs the sand
Or a dirty old shoe that fits
And if all the world was perfect
I would only ever want to see your scars
You know they can have their universe
We'll be in the dirt designing stars
And darlin' you know
You make me feel so beautiful
Nowhere else in the world I wanna be
You make me feel so beautiful
Whether I'm up or down
There's no crowd to please
I'm like a faith without a clause to believe in it
And if all the world was smiling
I would only ever want to see your frown
You know they can sail away in sunsets
We'll be right here stranded on the ground
Just happy to be found
You make me feel so beautiful
Nowhere else in the worldI wanna be
You make me feel so beautiful
I have lost my illusions
I have drowned in your words
I have left my confusion to a cynical world
I am throwing myself at things I don't understand
Discover enlightenment holding your hand
You are..
So Beautiful
________________________________________
A Savage Garden Song
_________________________________
So Beautiful..
Whether I'm right or wrong
There's no phrase that hits
Like an ocean needs the sand
Or a dirty old shoe that fits
And if all the world was perfect
I would only ever want to see your scars
You know they can have their universe
We'll be in the dirt designing stars
And darlin' you know
You make me feel so beautiful
Nowhere else in the world I wanna be
You make me feel so beautiful
Whether I'm up or down
There's no crowd to please
I'm like a faith without a clause to believe in it
And if all the world was smiling
I would only ever want to see your frown
You know they can sail away in sunsets
We'll be right here stranded on the ground
Just happy to be found
You make me feel so beautiful
Nowhere else in the worldI wanna be
You make me feel so beautiful
I have lost my illusions
I have drowned in your words
I have left my confusion to a cynical world
I am throwing myself at things I don't understand
Discover enlightenment holding your hand
You are..
So Beautiful
________________________________________
A Savage Garden Song
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