'Algorithmic Analysis of an Intimidating Infant'

Job satisfaction is a buzz word nowadays.

For me, the "Job" gave me tremendous satisfaction. peace. bliss. mess. and what not. Infact i had waited for this "job" the past 4 months. the wait did not go in vain.

whatever. however. 'It' did prompt me to think.

whether this "job" was an Art or Science.

Location of " Job " : Lloyds Apartments ( Akka's house)
In charge of : Shreya
The Job : Baby sitting

Shreya is my ' marumaa' or sister's daughter who is just 4 months old. After missing her " Punyaavachanam" , My wait to see her finally ended in my recently concluded trip to madras. and i had a earful of her sweet but shrill cum splitting voice.

She gave me fresh insights into the delightful world of cute little kids/ babies. ( perhaps the reason why i chose to give a presentation on my passion - cute li'l kids- in my comm skills course, a month back )

i have pretty much experience in handling these kids ranging from 2 years and over. that is they can recognise you. talk to you. and sometimes even understand u ( and overstand / outstand etc) . so the "Job" was not really that difficult.

but welcome to the world of just borns. u have a challenge , i can assure.

As far as the debate as to whether the Job was about Arts or Science, i tried experimenting with it :-

the trouble shooting , the way i used to earlier in my chem engg career ( if at all i did manage any) was sth i was close to stumbling on, in this baby sitting exercise. call it a new sphere of management. KM. not knowledge management.

Kozhanthai Management!!!!!!!!

these days management is one of the most talked abt word.

now kozhanthai management is all abt ur 'soft' skills. communication skills. non verbal communication, at that, for these new borns. ofcourse we always had an overdose of it in our e-schools and b-schools. but the demand is high, solid, immediate and inescapable when it comes to new borns. better face the music now. or u may never face any music ( ur eardrums wd have become redundant by then)

so what cd have been a side spliiting experience ends up being an earsplitting experience - and i decide to answer in the affirmative for an algorithmic analysis of a 'shreiking' shreya!!!!!!!!!!!

just as we do elsewhere - get a checklist ready - but make sure u have researched into all the root causes of any 'cry'! the interesting thing abt these lil ones is not a drop of tear appears in their eyes ( i am really serious) . for the din they make, this is hardly expected at all.

true enough - " Child is the father of Man" - considering the way she dictates terms to my akka.

in my typical engineering style, i try to document the causes and possible solutions! the language is called " hope less less" ( much like C++. btw i am hopelessly illiterate wrt computers )

wheeeeeeeeeeellllllllllllll here she goes ..............now...........

1. has she been given 'nestum'? or milk? ( depends on the time of the day)
2. if ans = nestum then when was that? if ans = milk then goto step 12
3. sleep time after nestum = 3 hours. that is, both done after bath. if sleep time <=1.5 hrs and crying = 85 decibels then feed = milk;
4. if milk = unaccepted; then try " aanai.... aanai...." rocking her back and forth in a sitting position! ( one of the singly powerful technique i have seen)
5. if " aanai aanai" = ineffective then take her to UMAACHI room and teach her UMAACHI KAAPAATHU. this is my own technique. this also works at times. small kids can communicate with GOD in their own special manner. so it is not surprising that PERUMAL pacifies her. sometimes PERUMAL decides that she gotta fun for some more time [ much to our discomfort -:)]. so the wheeeeeeeeeeeling does not stop.
6. one more issue. who said kids dont have ego? try giving milk a bit late to these lil ones....they go on strike refusing to drink. what more they spit it outside. thats their way of teasing u ( child - father of man - Ahem).
7. now if the din is not done, time to check her diapers. when was the last time u changed diapers - if time >= 4 hrs then better change it and observe.
8. let her do the expurgation if any.
9. if wheeling = continue then check for diaper rash; apply cream
10. try moving her up and down making crazy sounds. she may end up giving u glances as though u were insane and she is perfectly normal! ( i really mean this!)
11. now comes the tech savvy part! akka has a projector to watch movies full screen. and shreya relishes watching it. this is one sure shot way of calming her down! btw a normal tv soap wd do as well. 'kolangal' and 'Anandham' btw are her fav picks. now i understand the logic of using soaps to calm her. after seeing ppl on soaps cry, she does not want to contribute more water to chennai ( by crying), what with already chennai reeling under these unprecedented rains! ( i guess we shd ban all tamil soaps if chennai is to be saved from this demolishing deluge)
12. if last milk time - nowtime >= 1 hr then feed = milk : goto step 4
13. if nothing has worked so far ; blame it on 'electra complex' . the father daughter special attachment theory ( this is really true. of me and my akka and appa atleast). now all 'athimber' has to do is look into her eyes and say ' ondi maa' and she giggles as if she is floating on soap bubbles.
14. now she has calmed down almost. yes. btw she has transferred all her tension unto you :D
15. a caveat; dont habituate her to taking in ur lap or carrying her around! if u then try leaving her on a rubber sheet - her decibel levels may blast past 200. and ur music system will get insulted!!!!!!

Even as i had painstakenly tried to trouble shoot, most of the times athimber solves it in a jiffy.

need i say more whether Art or is it science that rulzzzzzz in this "Job" ?

so thats how the saga of an amateur baby sitter ends....well wonder how akka manages it.

All day. Every day. Full play. Shreya's way.

oru "O" podanum Akka ku!!!!